This is the second year back to live presentations of scholarships at the high school awards nights. I have to admit, I enjoyed the respite during COVID. The awards presentations have always fallen during hell week; the week where the anniversary of Emma's death, her birthday, Father's day and our anniversary are all just days apart. We were glad that awards night was so much earlier this year and our anxiety and grief hadn't yet reached a fevered pitch.
We gave the same speech we gave in 2019 and last year, but I'll share it below anyway. We were pleased when the principal at Emma's high school took us aside after our presentation to tell us how much more they were doing in terms of suicide prevention in the last several years. "You guys were at the forefront of this effort," he said, "and we've come a long way." That was a gift.
The two young men who received the scholarships this year seemed genuinely honored, moved and grateful. The winner from Emma's high school told us that he often sits on Emma's bench. That was another gift of the evening. When you lose a child, you really want to know that they are remembered and that their presence continues to be felt. I'm grateful that her bench in the high school's courtyard continues to bring comfort and connection. We love you, EJ <3
Scholarship Presentation
Good evening. My name is Peter von Euler and this is my wife, Nancy. In a little over a week we will mark the 14th anniversary of the loss of our daughter, Emma, at age 17. In the days immediately following Emma’s death, we were faced with making the unimaginable decision about where memorial gifts should be made. Needless to say, we were not prepared with an answer. But we pretty quickly zeroed in on the idea of establishing a scholarship fund with the High School Scholarship Foundation of Fairfield. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and talented young woman who loved music. We hoped that the financial support from this scholarship would provide a little help and encouragement for students like Emma to pursue their dreams. In the 14 years since we established this fund, and largely thanks to the generosity of all the people whose lives were touched by Emma’s, we have awarded close to $55,000 in her name
Nancy: As we approached the first scholarship award ceremony a year after her death, we realized that this scholarship presentation also provided an opportunity to briefly talk to the graduating seniors each year about something that we think is really important.
You see Emma died by suicide, and suicide prevention is now a mission for us.
So tonight, we want to share just 6 pieces of information and advice. We promise to be quick.
Peter: # 1 – In 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. Like physical illness, mental illness comes in acute forms, like pneumonia, and chronic forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and in all forms it is treatable.
Nancy: #2 – Perhaps it’s obvious, but the organ mental illness attacks is your brain – the organ you trust to generate your thoughts and feelings. With people who suffer from suicidal ideation, their brain turns against them. If your brain starts telling you that you aren’t good enough or that the world is better off without you, tell someone, because that’s a symptom of illness, not rational thought, and it can be treated.
Peter: #3 – If a friend tells you they are struggling, assume you are the only one they have told. As a friend, your job is to listen, support, encourage, and report – but not to diagnose, advise or fix. That’s the job of the pros.
Nancy: # 4 – Know where to get help before you or a friend needs it. In fact, pull out your phones right now if you have them and put these numbers in them. To reach the National Suicide Prevention hotline all you need to dial is 988. If you prefer texting, you can text HOME to 741741. I hope you never need these numbers, but if you or a friend is in crisis, it’s good to know that help is just a call or a text away.
Peter: #5 – Be kind. Everyone struggles at some time or another and you can’t always tell that someone is struggling. Imagine people carrying an invisible backpack filled with their burdens and think about how you can lighten their load, if only for a moment.
Nancy: And last, but not least, #6 – Embrace your whole self, not your social media self. Until we all start posting pictures of what we look like when we roll out of bed, or about the exam we failed, the goal we missed, the argument we started, and the rejection letters we collected, our social media presence will only reflect the shiny surface of who we are as people. Your parents will post a picture of your newly set up dorm room this fall, but take my word, they are not going to post a picture of what it looks like when they pick you up at the end of the year! And yet that end of year photo would tell me so much more about you – for example, that you hadn’t done laundry since Thanksgiving. But that’s okay! Every weakness is an opportunity to grow. Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Being perfect isn’t all its cracked up to be and as Emma herself liked to say, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”
Fairfield Warde High School:
Cole Davin is known for his kindness and empathy. He has been active in Warde’s music program as a member of the Jazz band, Concert band, Chamber Orchestra, Symphonic orchestra and the Music Honor Society. He will be attending the Frost School of Music at the University of Miami where he will major in Media scoring and production.
Fairfield Ludlowe High School:
Kyle Geriak has been very involved in music and performing arts during all four years of high school as a member of the Concert Orchestra, Concert Choir, a Section Leader of the Chamber Choir, a Director of FLHS A Capella, and a section leader in the Chamber Orchestra. Kyle serves as president of both the Tri-M Music Honor Society and the Key Club and is a member of the drama club, Ludlowe Leaders, Math Honor Society, National Honor Society, Performing Arts Club, Kindness Ambassadors, Science Honor Society, and Spanish Honor Society.
