To Emma on Memorial Day

Dear Emmie Lou,


I wonder if you can see the beautiful sanctuary that our garden has become this spring. Although my heart is broken, I do feel peace when I am sitting out in the quiet of our yard, with the warm breeze whispering to me, carrying the message from the purple flowers that are blooming all around me. I'm here. See me? I'm here, you seem to say.


The kousa dogwood that the neighbors planted in the fall for you is blooming and looks beautiful and happy. The new climbing rose bush that we planted is awash in pretty peachy-pink blossoms that remind me of the bloom on your cheeks. I'm here. See me? I'm here.


And the climbing hydrangea that we planted by the arbor almost five years ago is blooming for the very first time this year. Who knew that the dense green vine could produce such a lacey, delicate, bloom? I'm here. See me? I'm here.


Nature seems to understand that there are bonds that death can't break. I'm here, Emma. Do you see me? I'm here, sitting in the garden with you.

Prom

The last few weeks have been prom season in our town. It was hard to escape the buzz of anticipation that this season brings. It was on the downtown streets, where girls were shopping for dresses; at the local florists and nurseries, where parents were ordering corsages and boutonnières. It even invaded the usual sanctuary of our screen porch, as prom goers gathered for picture in our neighbor’s backyard. Mostly this has been a painful season that we have had to endure, but it is a season with connections to happy memories of the two proms Emma attended.


I will always have fond memories of shopping with Emma for her prom dresses. She went o her first prom when she was a freshman and brought a friend along on the shopping trip. I remember being impressed by the excitement and generosity this friend displayed. She wasn’t going to the prom and I was amazed that she would give up her Saturday to help Emma find the perfect dress. And we did find it – an elegant dusty blue tea length dress that brought out Emma’s beautiful blue eyes. After scoring the dress, we made our way to the shoe department, and then the jewelry counter where we found a blue crystal necklace and matching earrings that perfectly complemented the dress. Afterwards I treated the girls to lunch and as they chatted about all the details of the upcoming prom night, I continued to be impressed that Emma’s friend could be so excited for her.


Last year’s shopping trip was equally memorable. At the recommendation of one of Emma’s friends, Sarah, Emma and I headed to the small storefront of a local dressmaker. Emma had gone there the day before after school to scope out what they had and already had a few possibilities in mind. When we arrived, a friend of hers was there trying on dresses, so it immediately became a congenial community shopping venture. Emma pulled out the dress contenders she had spotted the day before and went into the dressing room. The first few dresses she tried were disappointing on, but a sales clerk quickly took to the racks and identified some dresses with better potential. While Emma headed back into the dressing room to try these on, a new customer arrived at the store with a dress she wanted altered. This woman was clearly a regular and seemed to know the store as well as anyone working there. As the two girls, Emma and her friend, emerged from the dressing room with new dresses on this woman would give her opinion and suggestions. It might have been obnoxious, but her opinions were always spot on. We felt like we were in the presence of an expert.


After trying on 5 or 6 other dresses, Emma emerged from the dressing room in a beautiful strapless yellow satin dress. She looked stunning and the sales clerk, Sarah, her friend, her friend’s mom, and I all told her so. But the sale wasn’t made until the regular customer got involved. “Oh, that’s the dress, sweetheart. Not everyone can wear that color, but you look absolutely gorgeous in it. Now let’s see these earrings with it. Aren’t they perfect? And you’ll need this yellow pashmina. Here let me show you how to tie it so that it looks like it’s part of the dress.”


Thanks to that customer, my job was simple. I just smiled and handed over my credit card. 

Weddings

My nephew Beau married his lovely bride, Jessica, 2 weeks ago on Mother's Day weekend. We thought the wedding  would be very hard for us, but also felt we should be there to watch Beau and Jessica start their lives together. While there were certainly moments that were difficult and sad for us, I'm happy to say that the weekend was filled with much more joy than sadness. I'm sure that is because there is no better place to be when you have suffered a tragedy than surrounded by family. But I think it was also because I knew how much Emma would have loved every minute of the weekend's celebrations and how present that made her in everything we did.


Beau was the third of Emma's cousins to get married and both Sarah and Emma were honored to be a part of the weddings of their first two cousins. Thomas' wedding to Leslie came first. Emma was about to turn 12 and Sarah was 7. Sarah was quite shy about her turn as a flower girl, but Emma ate up her role as a junior bridesmaid. She loved rubbing elbows with the older girls and being part of the special celebrations: the bridesmaids' luncheon, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.


The best part for her, though was the wedding reception. She hung out with her older cousins and had the time of her life. She was right there in the middle of everything. The pictures from that event speak for themselves. Emma was having a blast.


A year and a half later Emma and Sarah had the privilege of being in their cousin Liz's wedding to Josh. This time Emma was a full-fledged bridesmaid. There was not much time between these weddings, but it amazes me to look at the pictures and see how much Emma had grown up. In preparation for this wedding, Emma got her hair and make-up done. The combination of the mature hair and make-up and the sophisticated dress made Emma look much older than her 13 1/2 years - and she was thrilled about that.  Us? Not so much. Much to our horror, one of the bartenders offered Emma a martini! Fortunately, she had the good judgment to let him know she was not nearly old enough to accept that offer.


Once again, Emma had the time of her life at the reception, dancing the night away with cousins and other members of the bridal party and feeling a little sad when the whole wonderful weekend had to come to an end.  No wonder my mother used to refer to Emma as her "party girl." Like her Gram, there was nothing she liked better than a big family party.


That's why at Beau and Jessica's we did our best to honor her memory by burning up the dance floor in classic Emma style, especially when they played a Michael Jackson song. I'm sure we fell short, but she would have admired our effort.


Enjoy the pictures...

Spring Concert

Wednesday was Sarah's spring concert, the last of many concerts we attended this year. This was the first concert since Emma's death that I was able to enjoy, because at this concert I felt Emma's presence, much more than her absence. The signs were all around. The programs were purple, her favorite color,  and featured a butterfly on the back cover. As soon as I entered the auditorium, I saw one of Emma's friends who had come to see another friend's sister perfom. Both friends joined us and I got a chance to catch up with them. The last time I has seen them was at Emma's dedication ceremony a week earlier and we were all struggling that day. This time, sitting next to each other and chatting about life, we got to reaffirm that gift of connection that Emma gave us. It was nice.

Before the program started they presented some awards and Sarah received one of the two choral awards. In a year that most kids would have retreated into the background, Sarah has chosen to  step out of the shadows. She has performed solos and had a lead role in the school's musical. Emma would have been really proud of her. She thought Sarah was a really talented singer and wanted to see her out in front. She definitely would have been smiling on Wednesday night.


The musical program that followed was packed with performances by talented, multi-instrument playing student musicians and Emma would have been so excited to see them featured. The choral program also seemed Emma-picked. It featured a Michael Jackson song (Emma was a rabid Michael Jackson fan. I think that he was at least part of the inspiration behind the fedoras she often wore) and a song that Emma had sung at her 8th grade spring concert. What was notable about that particular piece was that it featured a flute accompaniment that Emma had played. At Sarah's concert, the accompaniment was played by the school's flute teacher, but it immediately brought back the aural memory of Emma playing it. The song was African, but the flute part was jazzy and free. I think that learning and playing that part fueled Emma's interest in jazz which she went to vigorously pursue in high school. And hearing it also reminded me of Emma's incredible talent.  She played that flute part every bit as expressively and flawlessly as the teacher did and she only got better from there.

I'm so glad we had this time together

A couple of months ago I heard an interview with Carol Burnett on NPR. At the end of the interview, the interviewer asked Carol to sing a bit of the famous theme song from her show. I couldn't help but flip through images of our life with Emma as she sang, and while I had some tears streaming down my face by the end of the song, I also had a smile on my face.  


I can't tell you how many times that song has gone through my head since I heard Carol sing it on NPR. It's going to be my theme song during this next month, as we survive so many milestones we hoped to celebrate with Emma and will not. It will help me remember, celebrate and cherish all the wonderful milestones we did celebrate with Emma. I'm so glad we had those times together.


Click here for a clip of Carol Burnett singing her theme song