tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87359854633586302742024-03-13T09:43:42.050-04:00Emma TimesThese are stories of my daughter, Emma, lost to suicide at the tender age of 17. I refuse to allow Emma, or our lives together, to be defined by this single desperate act. I’m starting this blog to restore the memory, image by image, story by story, of that wonderful, delightful person that I knew. A person who brought me unparalleled joy - the kind of joy you can only bring others when you feel it yourself.Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.comBlogger226125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-14186235103951826072023-06-09T08:46:00.002-04:002023-06-09T12:48:11.390-04:002023 Scholarship Presentation<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCH5qK6xp5zI7YEfICP20MqYT_yph9npaGwzklIb5095QY84ADeyGqu5LZMwww2W01D4TdKPc9Q0iOtNMhVyn8tYtYiB2kok_33bgn5PeTI9E4bUUP9fW6pjvGB8cb0vq-0oC8vbrpg8Awac1_wqJ_oCF89Q6eUNuCTif4evXMmvgWgXEaRvxLvAqHeA/s640/IMG_6968.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCH5qK6xp5zI7YEfICP20MqYT_yph9npaGwzklIb5095QY84ADeyGqu5LZMwww2W01D4TdKPc9Q0iOtNMhVyn8tYtYiB2kok_33bgn5PeTI9E4bUUP9fW6pjvGB8cb0vq-0oC8vbrpg8Awac1_wqJ_oCF89Q6eUNuCTif4evXMmvgWgXEaRvxLvAqHeA/s320/IMG_6968.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />This is the second year back to live presentations of scholarships at the high school awards nights. I have to admit, I enjoyed the respite during COVID. The awards presentations have always fallen during hell week; the week where the anniversary of Emma's death, her birthday, Father's day and our anniversary are all just days apart. We were glad that awards night was so much earlier this year and our anxiety and grief hadn't yet reached a fevered pitch.<p></p><p>We gave the same speech we gave in 2019 and last year, but I'll share it below anyway. We were pleased when the principal at Emma's high school took us aside after our presentation to tell us how much more they were doing in terms of suicide prevention in the last several years. "You guys were at the forefront of this effort," he said, "and we've come a long way." That was a gift.</p><p>The two young men who received the scholarships this year seemed genuinely honored, moved and grateful. The winner from Emma's high school told us that he often sits on Emma's bench. That was another gift of the evening. When you lose a child, you really want to know that they are remembered and that their presence continues to be felt. I'm grateful that her bench in the high school's courtyard continues to bring comfort and connection. We love you, EJ <3</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Scholarship Presentation</b></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Good evening. My name is Peter von Euler and this is my wife, Nancy. In a little over a week we will mark the 14th anniversary of the loss of our daughter, Emma, at age 17. In the days immediately following Emma’s death, we were faced with making the unimaginable decision about where memorial gifts should be made. Needless to say, we were not prepared with an answer. But we pretty quickly zeroed in on the idea of establishing a scholarship fund with the High School Scholarship Foundation of Fairfield. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and talented young woman who loved music. We hoped that the financial support from this scholarship would provide a little help and encouragement for students like Emma to pursue their dreams. In the 14 years since we established this fund, and largely thanks to the generosity of all the people whose lives were touched by Emma’s, we have awarded close to $55,000 in her name</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nancy: As we approached the first scholarship award ceremony a year after her death, we realized that this scholarship presentation also provided an opportunity to briefly talk to the graduating seniors each year about something that we think is really important. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You see Emma died by suicide, and suicide prevention is now a mission for us.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So tonight, we want to share just 6 pieces of information and advice. We promise to be quick.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peter: # 1 – In 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. Like physical illness, mental illness comes in acute forms, like pneumonia, and chronic forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and in all forms it is treatable. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nancy: #2 – Perhaps it’s obvious, but the organ mental illness attacks is your brain – the organ you trust to generate your thoughts and feelings. With people who suffer from suicidal ideation, their brain turns against them. If your brain starts telling you that you aren’t good enough or that the world is better off without you, tell someone, because that’s a symptom of illness, not rational thought, and it can be treated.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peter: #3 – If a friend tells you they are struggling, assume you are the only one they have told. As a friend, your job is to listen, support, encourage, and report – but not to diagnose, advise or fix. That’s the job of the pros.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nancy: # 4 – Know where to get help before you or a friend needs it. In fact, pull out your phones right now if you have them and put these numbers in them. To reach the National Suicide Prevention hotline all you need to dial is 988. If you prefer texting, you can text HOME to 741741. I hope you never need these numbers, but if you or a friend is in crisis, it’s good to know that help is just a call or a text away.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peter: #5 – Be kind. Everyone struggles at some time or another and you can’t always tell that someone is struggling. Imagine people carrying an invisible backpack filled with their burdens and think about how you can lighten their load, if only for a moment.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nancy: And last, but not least, #6 – Embrace your whole self, not your social media self. Until we all start posting pictures of what we look like when we roll out of bed, or about the exam we failed, the goal we missed, the argument we started, and the rejection letters we collected, our social media presence will only reflect the shiny surface of who we are as people. Your parents will post a picture of your newly set up dorm room this fall, but take my word, they are not going to post a picture of what it looks like when they pick you up at the end of the year! And yet that end of year photo would tell me so much more about you – for example, that you hadn’t done laundry since Thanksgiving. But that’s okay! Every weakness is an opportunity to grow. Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Being perfect isn’t all its cracked up to be and as Emma herself liked to say, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Fairfield Warde High School:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Cole Davin</b> is known for his kindness and empathy. He has been active in Warde’s music program as a member of the Jazz band, Concert band, Chamber Orchestra, Symphonic orchestra and the Music Honor Society. He will be attending the Frost School of Music at the University of Miami where he will major in Media scoring and production.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Fairfield Ludlowe High School:</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Kyle Geriak</b> has been very involved in music and performing arts during all four years of high school as a member of the Concert Orchestra, Concert Choir, a Section Leader of the Chamber Choir, a Director of FLHS A Capella, and a section leader in the Chamber Orchestra. Kyle serves as president of both the Tri-M Music Honor Society and the Key Club and is a member of the drama club, Ludlowe Leaders, Math Honor Society, National Honor Society, Performing Arts Club, Kindness Ambassadors, Science Honor Society, and Spanish Honor Society. </div><div><br /></div></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p><br /><br /><p></p>Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-50202353442857071882021-01-03T16:51:00.007-05:002021-01-04T07:10:59.628-05:00Happy New YearI have never really liked New Year's Eve. Well, that's not entirely true. When I was little my parents hosted an annual New Year's Eve party and I really enjoyed eavesdropping on the conversation and soaking in the laughter from the top of the stairs long after I was supposed to be asleep. I would make my way down just before midnight, pretending that I had been awakened by their loudness. I was always allowed to stay, don a crown or hat, and take part in the horn blowing and hugging. <div><br /></div><div>You would think that would carry into a fondness for the occasion as an adult, but it never did. As an adult, New Year's Eve never seemed to live up to the weight of my expectations. I may have had some responsibility for that. My first year out of college my housemates and I threw a New Year's Eve party. We had plenty of champagne, but shockingly little food and no guests. No guests? That's right, zero guests. We each thought the other had done the inviting so, not surprisingly, no one showed up. Did I mention that our pipes had frozen when we were all away for Christmas and we also had no running water or working toilets? Happy New Year! If you had any lingering doubts of the scientific evidence, this story should confirm for you once and for all that the brain of a 22 year-old is not fully developed. </div><div><br /></div><div>My niece summed up my feeling perfectly when she was about 8. We spent New Year's Eve day that year making noisemakers and hats with Emma and my nephew and niece in advance of an 8 pm children's celebration of the grand occasion. We gathered in the living room at about 7:50, donned our homemade hats, grabbed our noisemakers (decorated paper plates stapled together with dried beans in between) and waited for the clock to strike 8. We did the ten second countdown and then yelled, "Happy New Year!!" A few seconds later, my niece piped up, "Somehow I thought that would be more exciting." Yup, that's the feeling!</div><div><br /></div><div>Clearly, this was not going to be the year to change that feeling for me. While I join everyone in wishing a hasty end to 2020, I also realize that the beginning of 2021 isn't going to be a cakewalk - at least not in our family. There are 20 days until the inauguration to get through. There is a month of radiation to get through. There is a memorial service to get to and through. Oh yeah, and COVID is still alive and kicking, even though the approval of vaccines is making us feel like there is an end in sight. </div><div><br /></div><div>But judging by the advertising in my email and on my Facebook timeline, many people really buy into the promise of the fresh start that the new year offers. In the two weeks leading up to January 1st I was promised a flatter belly, firmer bottom, fuller eyebrows, and the elimination of frown lines and saggy jowls. Marketers seem keenly aware of our insecurities and have found the dawning of the new year to be an especially effective time to poke that bear. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I'm not buying. Farley assures me that dogs consider saggy jowls, like the ones he and I both sport, quite attractive; and if my walking routine doesn't firm my bottom, so be it. It still seems to work quite well for sitting, which I think we can all agree is what it was designed for. </div><div><br /></div><div>So here's wishing you a happy, healthy 2021 with everything you wish for (for just $19.99 in this time-limited offer)!</div><div><br /></div>Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-1935878748802926842021-01-02T14:53:00.000-05:002021-01-02T14:53:43.327-05:00The Big 6-0 is Coming!<p>My 60th birthday is approaching fast. I had hoped this might be the year that I got to celebrate a decade unencumbered by grief or traumatic life events. When I turned 30, we were struggling with infertility and our birthdays were just a cruel reminder that life wasn't going according to the plan. My 40th birthday was tainted by the death of my father six months earlier and an ill-advised surgery my 84 year-old mom scheduled for the week of (maybe even the day of?) my birthday. My daughter died a year and a half before my 50th birthday, followed by my mom just 14 months later. I was desperately sad and at sea that birthday. I didn't even want to acknowledge I was having a birthday and celebrating was out of the question.</p><p>I guess that was why I was looking forward to celebrating my 60th birthday in a big way. I wanted to break my decade birthday curse. Peter's birthday is two months before mine, so I was thinking we could have a joint party or take a special trip somewhere relaxing, or adventurous, or exotic. But 2020 put a halt to our planning before we even really got started and by the the fall of 2020, we had to wave the white flag. There would be no big celebration or birthday trips. COVID-19 was going to temporarily rob us of those opportunities. Already feeling the certainty of my curse, I had no inkling of what else 2020 had to throw at me before January 11, 2021 rolled around. </p><p>First, it slammed me with the second C - cancer. On November 2, I was diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer. It sounds pretty bad and I was quite scared until the breast surgeon talked me through my pathology report and options. The cancer was caught very early and my prognosis is excellent. Nonetheless, I will be spending my 60th birthday readying myself to begin radiation treatments, instead of for a celebration. Really 2020? You had me at COVID.</p><p>And then, another loss. My father-in-law passed away on December 17. Because of COVID, he died alone in a nursing home without the comfort of the soothing voice and warm touch of a loved one. We know this is a common story, but that doesn't make it easier. Like so many families this year, we will have to travel through the fraught territory of regret to be able to find our way to grief. My father-in-law had a really big milestone birthday approaching, too. He was to turn 90 at the end of January. Before he was hospitalized with COVID-19 in mid-November, we felt certain we would have the opportunity to celebrate that important birthday with him. Now we will be remembering him and bidding him farewell on that day with a virtual memorial service. </p><p>This past decade, accentuated by the horrors of this past year, has helped me accept that, especially as we get older, loss, illness and struggle are as much a part of the milestones we have reached as are graduations, marriages, births, adventures, and accomplishments. I don't believe everything happens for a reason. In fact, I loathe that expression. Emma's death was senseless. The way my father-in-law died was tragic. I will never believe my cancer is serving some grand purpose. I do believe, however, that we grow in important ways from what we learn about ourselves and others as we go through hard times. Over the last ten years, I have been comforted by the resilient spirits of Peter and Sarah and surprised by my own resilience. The pain of the losses I have experienced are still with me every day, but I have learned to use that pain in ways that are productive - to fuel a sense of purpose, to support others through loss, and to appreciate joyful moments. I have been blessed with new and growing friendships that are characterized by authenticity and deep connections; and I have re-connected with people with whom I had lost touch. I have come really far in the last ten years and I am able to look ahead to the future with optimism, despite the bad things that have happened. As I hit the big 6-0 that's what I want to focus on; not the growing older, but the growing. </p><p>Before I sign off, I want to share two more thoughts. First, don't let COVID keep you from getting important health screenings that are due. Sure, put off less important routine care, and certainly put off elective care; but if you are due for a mammogram, breast ultrasound, colonoscopy or other important screenings, go get them. My journey with cancer is going to be so much easier because we caught it early. </p><p>Second, despite everything 2020 has hurled at me and my family this year, and I've only shared a smattering of it here, I know we're still amongst the lucky ones. Low income communities and communities of color, like those served by Horizons at New Canaan Country School, the organization that I lead, have been disproportionately affected by illness, hospitalization, death, and financial hardship due to COVID-19. Early in the pandemic I had to worry about <u>how</u> I would get my food, but I never worried about <u>whether</u> I would have food. When I'm tempted to complain about being stuck at home, I remind myself how lucky I am not to be in danger of losing my home. Imagine being a child or a caregiver and trying to focus on school and learning when these things are weighing heavy on your mind. Long after the vaccine has beaten COVID-19 into submission, our families will be struggling to re-build their lives after this devastation. We are determined to be by their side every step of the way. </p><p>So, if you feel like helping me celebrate my birthday, here are two things you can do that would make me genuinely happy: make an appointment for any health screenings that are due, and make a contribution to <a href="https://www.netdirectories.com/~horizons/olg1.cgi" target="_blank">Horizons at New Canaan Country School</a>.</p><p>As for me, I will be looking forward to celebrating 61 in 2022, when I hope I to be wrapped in comforting memories of lost loved ones and have COVID and cancer largely in the rear view mirror. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-55627148948627810042020-06-17T16:35:00.000-04:002020-06-17T16:35:01.285-04:002020 Scholarship RecipientsThanks to the COVID-19 crisis, the high school Awards Night celebrations for graduating seniors in Fairfield were not held and we did not have the opportunity to meet and present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to this year's recipients. I felt conflicted about that. This week is an emotionally exhausting week even without the scholarship presentation. I was a tad relieved not to have to live through the experience of waiting our turn to speak, watching the reaction of the audience as we talk about a subject many think is taboo, and then heading directly over to Fairfield's second high school to do it all over again. Nonetheless, I can't help feeling like I have forgotten to do something - that my grieving process will be even more unresolved this year.<div>
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The scholarship committee of the High School Scholarship Foundation did give us the opportunity to write a letter to our two recipients, which I am sharing with you here with congratulations to our two winners: Harry Graney-Green of Fairfield Warde High School and Maxwell Ephron of Fairfield Ludlowe High School</div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Dear Harry and Max,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Congratulations on receiving the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship. You have worked really hard and accomplished so much. We are very happy to be able to support you as you head off to college.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship was established in memory of our beautiful daughter who took her life in June of her junior year in high school. Emma was kind and gentle, a strong student and a gifted musician. No one who knew Emma realized how intensely she was struggling. She hid it well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">That’s why when we present the scholarship each year we talk to the graduates about mental health and suicide. We encourage them to take their mental health as seriously as they take their physical health and to understand that there is no shame in seeking help for mental and emotional challenges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">We think this message is especially important this year. You have all had a very different ending to your senior year than you had hoped for. Isolation has been tough on all of us and we have all experienced periods of grief, sadness, loneliness and anxiety as we survived these last 3 months of quarantine. It’s important that we are all able to reach out for help and support when we need it. As you head off to college, make sure you know where to get help before<i> </i>you or a friend needs it. Put the crisis hotline and text line numbers into your phone, and find out where the health center and the counseling center are. Find friends who listen and care and be that kind of friend. Know that you have strength to overcome obstacles. You did it this spring!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">You have much to be proud of. You have been resilient and accomplished your goals in the face of a historic crisis. We wish you continued resilience and success as you head off to college. Congratulations and be well!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sincerely,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The von Euler Family</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-9124689737953982342019-08-07T11:36:00.003-04:002019-08-08T08:48:19.530-04:00To AKROn Sunday I relaxed at the beach and finished up <i>Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life </i>by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. The book is a memoir done in the format of an encyclopedia in which the author alphabetically captures her observations and reflections of her every day life. Her entries range from profound to comical, and she zooms in and zooms out on her life in a way that allows you to get to know both her idiosyncrasies and the time and context that shaped them. I grew to like her more and more with each page and by the end I felt like we had been lifelong friends with all sorts of stories and shared experiences that we could chuckle about over a cup of coffee (Amy loves coffee!).<br />
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AKR, as I like to call her, has a habit of writing to authors when she finishes a book they have written, so I thought she would appreciate a note from me with my reflections on her book. While I was still at the beach, I looked up the book's website that was shared on the cover, but the website couldn't be found. Next I tried AKR's website that was also shared in the book. Again, I got the message "website cannot be found." I concluded that this was the fault of poor cell service, typed some notes on my phone to remind me what I wanted to say to her, and decided to try again at home.<br />
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When I got home I tried both the book's and AKR's website addresses again with no luck. Were both the websites down? How weird. I googled her name and when I saw the first entry my heart stopped - "Amy Krouse Rosenthal Obituary." Obituary?! She's dead?! My friend is dead?! I felt a lump grow in my throat and tears begin to well in my eyes. How could this be?!<br />
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In her obituary I read about a column AKR had written that was published in the NYT, titled "You May Want to Marry My Husband." She had written the article as a love letter and Valentine's gift to her husband when it was clear that she was going to lose her battle to ovarian cancer at age 51. I remember hearing this touching story on NPR back in 2017 when the article was first published, but I had not connected that author to the author whose book had totally absorbed, entertained and moved me. She had inspired me to strike up a conversation, but it was too late. She was gone.<br />
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I have not been able to shake the desire to have that correspondence, so I'm just going to have it here. AKR, here's what I wanted to tell you:<br />
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1. I found it very affirming to read that you share my fear and distrust of escalators. My family is particularly fond of the movie <i>Elf</i> because the escalator scene is just a small exaggeration of the routine I go through when I mount and dismount an escalator. I completely distrust the toothed monster at the entrance and exit of every escalator and make sure that I step way over its mouth as I get on and off so that it doesn't reach up and snatch my foot in its teeth. I love amusement park rides of all shapes and sizes but, damn, escalators are scary!<br />
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2. I sympathize with your inability to remember which side your gas tank is on. I want to let you in on a little secret before you are subjected to the humiliation I experienced when my teenage nephew who didn't even drive yet told me the sure fire way to know. You see, there's a little picture of a gas pump on every dashboard with an arrow pointing to the side your gas tank is on. I'm not kidding, there really is! Go look for yourself! Before you get too excited, this information will not be as life-changing as it seems. If you're anything like me you will forget to consult the picture until you have pulled up to a pump on the wrong side.<br />
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3. Thank you for allowing yourself to vividly imagine how it would feel to lose your child. For all of us whose children slipped through a hole in the universe; who were there one minute and gone the next; thank you for allowing yourself to feel and express the terror, grief and anticipation of profound loss when Miles slipped through that hole in the floor of the shipwreck you were exploring. When my daughter died, so many people said, "I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my child." What many of them meant was, "I don't want to imagine what it would be like to lose my child." It takes courage to face the potential of a loss so profound. I realize that was not the last time you needed that kind of courage. I'm glad that you found Miles, scraped up but safe, one level down. I'm glad that you escaped a horrifying loss that time and got more time with Miles. And I'm so sorry that your time with Jason, Justin, Miles and Paris was cut short by your disappearance through a hole in the universe. Thanks for letting me get to know you.<br />
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Your friend,<br />
Nancy<br />
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<br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-46484559511335256622019-06-22T16:21:00.000-04:002019-07-07T10:15:54.334-04:00Lucky<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had always considered myself a lucky person – a happy
person. I have a large, boisterous family. My parents remained married their
whole lives, and while there was sometimes strife between them, it wasn’t hard
to tell that they were devoted to one another. I had enjoyed a lot of good
fortune and very little loss. I even married my first love. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first bump in the road came for us when we tried to get
pregnant with no luck. There were a couple of years of humiliating infertility
testing before we got a satisfactory diagnosis – I had a congenital anomaly of
the uterus that left me with one fallopian tube and a very under-sized uterus.
It was still conceivable (pardon the pun) that I could get pregnant, but there
was a big question mark about whether I could carry a pregnancy to term. For
the first time in my life, I felt unlucky.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It didn’t take long for me to emerge from my self-pity and
realize I had options. Good options. I began looking into adoption. Private
open adoptions were just taking off at that time and there were some high
profile stories about adoptions gone bad. These stories terrified my husband,
Peter. He imagined the pain of bonding with a child and then having to return
the baby to his or her birth parent. He was not convinced this was the right
path for us. We read a lot and went to adoption conferences. The wonderful
stories of families formed through adoption gave us both hope and we began making
our own adoption plan. We decided to adopt internationally, from Colombia, and
began the application and home study process.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before our home study was even complete an opportunity for
us to adopt domestically became a possibility. We had deliberately decided not
to do this, but this out-of-the-blue opportunity seemed fateful. Our social
worker told us there was very little chance it would work out, but just several
weeks after the first conversation we found ourselves driving south to await
the birth of our daughter. When we held Emma for the first time, we couldn’t
believe how lucky we were. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our luck repeated itself 3 years later when I found myself
pregnant. Our second beautiful daughter, Sarah, arrived a little more than 4
years after Emma and once again, I considered myself one of the luckiest people
in the world: a nice home, a loving husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I was
living a charmed life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When a tragedy strikes, life changes in a head-spinning
moment. On June 17, 2009 our lives changed forever when our beautiful daughter
Emma took her life 5 days before her 17<sup>th</sup> birthday. Emma had had
some struggles throughout her childhood, but she was from all appearances a
happy, smart, personable and accomplished young woman. Nothing could have
prepared us for her death, and nothing could have prepared us for the journey
with grief we have faced since her death. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It rained non-stop for the five days leading up to Emma’s
funeral, which seemed appropriate. It was like the universe was mourning with
us. Deaths by suicide are often hidden and shrouded in shame. We did not hide
how Emma died. It was not a conscious choice. In our shock it didn’t even occur
to us to lie. Thankfully, family, friends and our community rallied around us.
We felt loved and supported and that was a great help.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The really hard part of the journey came after the funeral.
People who had been supporting us non-stop began to go back to their lives. We
were left alone to deal with the shock, shame, guilt and bone-crushing grief.
Sarah was terrified that her family would fall apart under the weight of all
these emotions. She had lost a friend to leukemia in 4<sup>th</sup> grade and
had watched that family disintegrate afterwards. About a week after Emma died
the three of us were sitting at the dining room table trying to make sense of
what had happened when Sarah declared, “We are not going to let this destroy
us!” She was right, of course. We couldn’t let that happen. It wouldn’t be
right for us, and it wouldn’t be the right way to honor Emma’s memory. We had
to find a path forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In late August, 2 months after Emma died, Peter went back to
work and Sarah went back to school. I had quit my full-time job so that I could
be available for Sarah if she needed me, but my boss insisted that I continue
to work at least a little – 10 hours a week; not because they needed me, but
because she thought I needed some purpose. We were all finding it difficult to
concentrate and be productive, but we had gotten some advice to just “fake it
until you make it,” so we were faking our way through the days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My boss’s instinct was right, and I soon found myself
spending too much time alone with nothing to distract me from my grief. I decided
to volunteer to be a guest reader for a kindergarten class in a neighboring
city. Emma had loved books and reading from the time she was tiny, so going in
to read to that class was almost like an act of communion. The children were
also incredibly healing for me. The reflection of myself that I saw in their
smiles, heard in their laughs, and felt in their hugs, made me feel that while
I felt broken, my spirit was still intact.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it was reading those books Emma loved to the
kindergarteners, but about 4 months after she died I began to get a rush of
memories that I felt compelled to record. This came as a great relief because
immediately after Emma died it felt as if all of my memories of her had been
erased from the hard drive of my brain. I started a blog to capture and share
my stories of Emma and for the rest of the first year and most of the second
year I posted a new story every day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We joined support groups – two of them – where we could
share our heartbreak and shock with people who had experienced the same or
similar losses. One of our support groups was for parents who had lost children
in all different ways, but when we joined we were the only ones who had lost a
child to suicide. Going in we thought that our experience was too different for
this group to be helpful. But it turns out that shock, isolation, guilt and, of
course, grief accompany the loss of a child regardless of the circumstances. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I also allowed myself to be angry, in mostly productive
ways. I was distressed by the cursory way that the school supported and
educated Emma’s friends after her death, so I educated myself and shared the
resources I found with the district. I worked with the district for the better
part of 2 years to get a more comprehensive suicide prevention, intervention
and response policy in place. I became active in the American Foundation for
Suicide Prevention (AFSP), raising money to support education, survivor
support, training, research and public policy efforts. Twice I joined AFSP in
Washington, D.C. to visit my legislators, share my story, and ask for their
support of important mental health legislation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sarah and I traveled to India on a mission trip to get some
perspective on our lives. As unlucky as we felt on a day-to-day basis, we
couldn’t ignore our privilege when faced with the wretched conditions we saw in
the slums of Hyderabad. Yet, despite extreme deprivation, all the people we met
were supremely joyful. Humans are resilient. We will be resilient.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And I formed new friendships. Looking back, I think this was
perhaps the greatest sign of the resilience of the human spirit – that I could
form new bonds in the face of a devastating loss. But I was lucky enough to
have some wonderfully kind and generous people befriend me after Emma died. Some of the people I knew well before Emma’s death had an
unhelpful inclination to try to fix me. These new friends were willing just to
be present – to stand in the circle of my grief with me and let it be. <o:p></o:p></div>
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None of this was a silver bullet. Grief will have its day.
You can’t will it away. We were shocked to find that the second year was harder
than the first. I suppose we thought the first year was like a sprint to the
finish line and that we would feel better when we got there. It turns out this
journey with grief is more like a marathon. Life would never be the same and
we needed to find a new rhythm – a new normal, as they say.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m 10 years out now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have found that new normal. I’ve been back working full time for more
than 7 years now at jobs that have provided real purpose. Sarah has graduated
from high school and college and has continued to lead us with her insights and
determination. She has learned to tell her family’s story truthfully and openly
and has found support and acceptance all along the way. Peter and I are
celebrating our 33rd wedding anniversary this year, dodging a
frightening divorce statistic for couples who have lost a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still miss Emma every day. I still get sad.
Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are still hard, but I’ve come to accept
this as the price of loving someone with all your heart, and I wouldn’t trade
that love for anything. I’m a lucky person.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-37157717857968601762019-06-13T20:11:00.003-04:002019-06-13T20:59:09.630-04:002019 Scholarship Presentation<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARAMroYrstij6AP0_J9rmwXmJdXbbLJgxorb-XS7pTPzI_vPsq7j-Zo2bUiwPcpdkYqzCyGYOyt5G-HtT-pz6lM4czFr9tO4ySmo63GviWl_izAbA9QhRros8w-40N4B_T_xcmJbG37G_/s1600/IMG_4298.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARAMroYrstij6AP0_J9rmwXmJdXbbLJgxorb-XS7pTPzI_vPsq7j-Zo2bUiwPcpdkYqzCyGYOyt5G-HtT-pz6lM4czFr9tO4ySmo63GviWl_izAbA9QhRros8w-40N4B_T_xcmJbG37G_/s320/IMG_4298.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Tonight we presented the Emma Jane Memorial Music Scholarships at Fairfield Warde and Fairfield Ludlowe High Schools for the 9th year. This marks the start of a week that we refer to as the gauntlet. The order of events sometimes changes, but it is the same milestones. The order this year: scholarship presentation, Father's Day, anniversary of Emma's death, our wedding anniversary, and then Emma's birthday, all in the space of about 10 days. This year we will finish the gauntlet by walking 18 miles overnight at the Boston American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Overnight Walk. It seems a fitting way to mark Emma's birthday and the 10th anniversary of her death.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">The scholarship presentation is an important evening for us to remember Emma and provide a little education about suicide. Here's what we said:</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Good evening. My name is Nancy von
Euler and this is my husband Peter. In 4 days we will acknowledge the 10<sup>th</sup>
anniversary of the loss of our daughter Emma. In the days immediately following
Emma’s death, we were faced with making the unimaginable decision about where
memorial gifts should be made. Needless
to say, we were not prepared with an answer. But we pretty quickly zeroed in on
the idea of establishing a scholarship fund with the High School Scholarship
Foundation of Fairfield. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and talented young
woman who loved music. We hoped that the financial support from this scholarship
would provide a little help and encouragement for students like Emma to pursue
their dreams. In the 10 years since we established this fund, and largely
thanks to the generosity of all the people whose lives were touched by Emma’s,
we have awarded $34,000 in her name.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";">As we approached the first
scholarship award ceremony a year after her death, we realized that this
scholarship presentation also provided an opportunity to briefly talk to the
graduating seniors each year about something that we think is really important. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">You see Emma died by suicide, and
suicide prevention is now a mission for us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">So tonight we want to share just 7
pieces of information and advice. We promise to be quick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span># 1 – In 90% of deaths by suicide, the
underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental
illness. Like physical illness, mental illness comes in acute forms, like
pneumonia, and chronic forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and
in all forms it is treatable. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">#2 – Perhaps its obvious, but the
organ mental illness attacks is your brain – the organ you trust to generate
your thoughts and feelings. With people who suffer from suicidal ideation,
their brain turns against them. If your brain starts telling you you aren’t good
enough or that the world is better off without you, tell someone, because
that’s a symptom of illness, not rational thought, and it can be treated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;"># 3 – Be accurate. When someone dies
by suicide its tempting to join in the explanation game. There is usually only
one thing we can be sure of – they were suffering. Proposing easy explanations
belittles that suffering, contributes to stigma, and may discourage others who
are suffering from seeking help.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">#4 – Be kind. You will not always
know when someone is suffering. I imagine you are all good people. You wouldn’t
purposely add to someone’s suffering. Don’t do it by accident.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">#5 – If a friend tells you they are
struggling, assume you are the only one they have told. As a friend, your job
is to listen, support, and <u>report</u> – but <u>not</u> to diagnose, advise
or fix. That’s the job of the pros.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;"># 6 – Find out where to get help <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">before </i>you or a friend needs it. Put the
crisis hotline and text line numbers into your phone, and if you are headed off
to college in the fall, find out where the health center and the counseling
center are. Chances are they were not pointed out when you went on your campus
tour. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">And last, but not least, #7 – Embrace
your whole self, not your social media self. Until we all start posting pictures
of what we look like when we roll out of bed, or about the exam we failed, the
catch we missed, the argument we started, and the rejection letters we
collected, our social media presence will only the reflect the shiny surface of
who we are as people. Your parents will post a picture of your newly set up
dorm room this fall, but take my word, they aren’t going to post a picture of
what it looks like when they pick you up at the end of the year! And yet that
end of year photo would tell me so much more about you – for example that you
hadn’t done laundry since Thanksgiving. But that’s okay! Every weakness is an
opportunity to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every failure is an
opportunity to learn. Being perfect isn’t all its cracked up to be and as Emma
herself liked to say, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Fairfield
Warde High School:</b><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "times new roman";">This year’s recipient<b> </b></span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "times new roman";">plays both the piano/keyboards
and the bass and has been in Warde’s Symphonic and Chamber orchestras since 10<sup>th</sup>
grade. He has also been a member of the Jazz Band and performed with the pit
orchestra for all Warde’s musicals. He was inducted into the Tri-M Music
Honor Society as a sophomore. Our winner has demonstrated empathy and
compassion at school and through service to the broader community. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music
Scholarship to <b>Jordan Pistilli</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Fairfield
Ludlowe High School:<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "times new roman";">This year’s recipient</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "helvetica";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";">has passion for music and plays keyboards, oboe and bassoon and is
a vocalist in school. What is that? A quadruple threat?! He has performed
in the Jazz Performance Band (serving, wind ensemble, chamber choir, and In
Harmony and is a member of Tri-M Music Honor Society. He was selected for
CT Western Regionals, and was awarded Top Male Vocalist at an Acapella
Invitational. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">We
are thrilled to award the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman";"><b>Aidan Kilgallon</b></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">.</span><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-55451549802109441492018-06-19T21:36:00.000-04:002018-06-21T10:39:34.435-04:002018 Scholarship Presentation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA82LgdDOEzTO_xaW38fKIqbJk7QNaNdBdIZWub60H-wjij1tHSJI7HH4v8phbgZm2Ae70LoTgrA3LR-5NObw8FwEyXs5ZjFTH45qOf5Qz7Ov575RQERll1ely7sK5mZAUup1fpM5aBqNd/s1600/IMG_3768.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA82LgdDOEzTO_xaW38fKIqbJk7QNaNdBdIZWub60H-wjij1tHSJI7HH4v8phbgZm2Ae70LoTgrA3LR-5NObw8FwEyXs5ZjFTH45qOf5Qz7Ov575RQERll1ely7sK5mZAUup1fpM5aBqNd/s320/IMG_3768.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
Good evening. My name is Nancy von Euler and this is my husband Peter. We established this scholarship 9 years ago in memory of our daughter, Emma. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and talented young woman who loved music. We hope that the financial support from this scholarship will provide a little help and encouragement to our award winners. And, we always take the award presentation as an opportunity to talk to the graduating seniors briefly about something that we think is really important. It seems particularly important this year, in light of the events of the last several weeks.<br />
<br />
You see Emma died by suicide.<br />
<br />
So tonight we want to share just 7 pieces of information and advice. We promise to be quick.<br />
<br />
# 1 – In 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. Like physical illness, mental illness comes in acute forms, like pneumonia, and chronic forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and in all forms it is treatable.<br />
#2 – Perhaps its obvious, but the organ mental illness attacks is your brain – the organ you trust to generate your thoughts and feelings. With people who suffer from suicidal ideation, their brain turns against them. If your brain starts telling you aren’t good enough or that the world is better off without you, tell someone, because that’s a symptom of illness, not rational thought, and it can be treated.<br />
# 3 – Be accurate. When someone dies by suicide its tempting to join in the explanation game. There is usually only one thing we can be sure of – they were suffering. Proposing easy explanations belittles that suffering, contributes to stigma, and may discourage others who are suffering from seeking help.<br />
#4 – Be kind. You will not always know when someone is suffering. I imagine you are all good people. You wouldn’t purposely add to someone’s suffering. Don’t do it by accident.<br />
#5 – If a friend tells you they are struggling, assume you are the only one they have told. As a friend, your job is to listen, support, and report – but not to diagnose, advise or fix. That’s the job of the pros.<br />
# 6 – Find out where to get help before you or a friend needs it. Put the crisis hotline and text line numbers into your phone, and if you are headed off to college, find out where the health center and the counseling center are. Chances are they were not pointed out when you went on your campus tour.<br />
And last, but not least, #7 – Embrace your whole self, not your social media self. Until we all start posting pictures of what we look like when we roll out of bed, or about the exam we failed, the catch we missed, the argument we started, and the rejection letters we collected, our social media presence will only the reflect the shiny surface of who we are as people. Your parents will post a picture of your newly set up dorm room this fall, but take my word, they aren’t going to post a picture of what it looks like when they pick you up at the end of the year! And yet, that end of year photo would tell me so much more about you – for example that you hadn’t done laundry since Thanksgiving. But that’s okay! Every weakness is an opportunity to grow. Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Being perfect isn’t all its cracked up to be and as Emma herself liked to say, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”<br />
<br />
<b>Fairfield Warde High School:</b><br />
This year’s recipient has been involved in the band and choir programs at Warde for all 4 years. She has received a number of awards and recognitions for her music: Scholar in Music Award; CT Association of Schools Fine Arts Award; Western Region for both choir and oboe; and All State and All National for choir, alto.
Our recipient has also been involved in Key Club, Autism Speaks, RAAFT (Raising Abuse Awareness for Teens), Best Buddies (integrating disabled students into the social life of the school). In addition to the Tri-M Music Honor Society, she has been inducted into the Latin Honors Society, the National Honors Society and the Science Honors Society.
We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to <b>Marie Fulda.</b><br />
<br />
<b>Fairfield Ludlowe High School: </b><br />
This year’s recipient is a graduate of Roger Sherman Elementary School and Roger Ludlowe Middle School, she has been a member of the Concert Orchestra, Symphonic Orchestra, Pit Orchestra throughout her 4 years at Ludlowe performing as a Violinist. A member of the National Honor Society, Science National Honor Society, Chinese National Honor Society, History and Art Honor Societies, she will be attending Emmanuel College. She has been a student representative to the Board of Education, a member of the Girl Scouts since kindergarten, Communications Director for UNICEF.
We are thrilled to award the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to <b>Isabella Schichter.</b>Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-27116176571129200792018-01-20T16:07:00.000-05:002018-01-21T18:46:09.092-05:00The Grief SuitcaseI was just out walking with a wonderful friend. We share a lot in common but, unfortunately, one of those things is that we have suffered the loss of a loved one who died too soon. At some point along the walk we got to talking about how grief has affected our resilience and how hard it is to explain that to others who may become impatient or frustrated. I shared an analogy with her and she encouraged me to share it here, so that others could understand us better. So here it is - the grief suitcase.<br />
<br />
All of us have a place where we store away the hurts, losses and disappointments of life. Let's call that place a suitcase. Many people are lucky enough to go through life with only small hurts, losses and disappointments. For those people, there is always plenty of room in the suitcase; it closes easily, and without much effort they can shove it under their bed where their hurts and losses are out of sight and out of mind. That was true for me, too, before I lost Emma.<br />
<br />
When I lost Emma, the pain from that loss was excruciating and overwhelming. I worked for months and months to shove it into the suitcase, but it couldn't be folded up neatly and the suitcase wasn't big enough to hold it. Eventually, I got it in there, but then I couldn't close the suitcase. I would sit on the lid to try force it to close, but it was just too full. Finally, after months of sitting on the suitcase, I got it to close and latch; but it bulged from the top and sides. I tried to shove it under the bed, where it would be out of sight and mind, but the bulging case just didn't fit. So there it stayed, in the middle of the room. I could see it plainly and most days, if I set my mind to it, I could avoid tripping over it. But every so often, especially when I was having a dark day, I would trip over that grief suitcase and stub my toe, sending shooting pain and grief all through my body.<br />
<br />
The worst part was when life dealt me a new hurt, loss or disappointment, even if it was a small one in the eyes of others. Then I stared at that over-stuffed suitcase and wondered how I would fit one more thing in there. I gingerly pried open the latches, hoping not to disturb the contents inside, but the inevitable happened. Once the latches were released, the over-stuffed contents exploded out of the case and were strewn all over the room. I had to scramble to gather up all that pain and grief again and try to shove them back into the suitcase and sit on the lid until it closed enough that I could latch it, and that could take weeks; weeks of disruption and distraction and just plain sadness.<br />
<br />
Resilience is slow to return for someone who has suffered a profound loss. We are hurt more easily and forgive less readily. It is one of many ways we are a different. We have to learn to accept this about ourselves and can only hope that others can accept and understand it, as well.<br />
<br />
<br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-51272723149150600322017-06-16T13:37:00.001-04:002017-06-16T13:37:09.823-04:002017 Scholarship Presentation<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFllwzirZxV84tK0qPUdYArd4M1wHuo-O0GdkWfQLSJAKhjvGaEKmgWaE5fu6Yo8LNDYaP5CIt05Ci5XQBhnP5PQr1_a0oNSWbt5ZP8Jtvh5g7UG-Avr23OR1k-IO7ejiKabZM8gmitn-/s1600/IMG_3056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEFllwzirZxV84tK0qPUdYArd4M1wHuo-O0GdkWfQLSJAKhjvGaEKmgWaE5fu6Yo8LNDYaP5CIt05Ci5XQBhnP5PQr1_a0oNSWbt5ZP8Jtvh5g7UG-Avr23OR1k-IO7ejiKabZM8gmitn-/s200/IMG_3056.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here we go again! Every year at this time we ride an emotional roller coaster. Over the space of one week we acknowledge the anniversary of Emma's death, her birthday, our wedding anniversary, Father's Day, and award the scholarship in Emma's memory at the two Fairfield high schools. Peter adds to that list the end of the school year and an emotional moving up ceremony. This marks the 8th year we have run that gauntlet, and while it is somewhat different now, it is no less emotionally exhausting. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">This year, we started this week of milestones with the scholarship presentations. Perhaps because awards night was earlier than it has ever been, we were both caught off guard by the rush of emotion and for how unprepared we feel for the week ahead. Nonetheless, we feel privileged to be able to remember Emma in this way and to give two young people a little help as they pursue their dreams. This is made possible by so many generous people who helped to establish the fund and who continue to contribute year after year. We are forever grateful for the legacy you have helped to create and sustain. More than anything, we are grateful for your love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">Here is this year's scholarship speech and a little about our winners:</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Good evening. My name is Nancy von
Euler and this is my husband Peter. We established this scholarship 8 years ago
in memory of our daughter, Emma. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and
talented young woman. She LOVED music! She danced, sang, and played the flute,
piccolo, saxophone, clarinet, and guitar. We hope that the financial support
from this scholarship will provide a little help and encouragement to our award
winners that will help them to pursue their dreams. And, we always take the award
presentation as an opportunity to talk to the graduating seniors briefly about
something that we think is really important to talk about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You see Emma died by suicide. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now many of you have probably
watched the Netflix series <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">13 Reasons Why</i>
and may feel that has given you insights. Perhaps it has. I haven’t seen it, so
I can’t say. But it’s important to remember that the series is fiction, and as
newly-minted adult citizens of the world it’s your responsibility to understand the
facts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Here are just a few things we think
you should know:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">-In 90% of deaths by suicide, the
underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental
illness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">- Mental illness is no different
than physical illness. It comes in acute forms, like pneumonia, and chronic
forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and in all forms it is
treatable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">- Just like you wouldn’t ask a
friend or family member to set your broken leg, illnesses of the brain require
treatment from a professional. And there is always help! In crisis there are
hotlines, text lines and emergency rooms and for help with recovery there are
campus, community-based, and even virtual counseling services. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">- As a friend of someone who is
struggling, your job is to inquire, support, <u>report</u>, encourage, lead,
accompany – but not to diagnose, advise or fix. That’s the job of the pros.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So, here’s your homework – can you
believe I’m giving you homework?! Put the crisis hotline and text line numbers into
your phone so that you have them yourself and can share them with friends. And
if you are headed off to college, find out where the health center and the
counseling center are. Chances are they were not pointed out when you went on
your campus tour. I even encourage you to go one step further - go in; find out
what the hours are and what services they offer; introduce yourself to the
staff; get comfortable and familiar. That way, should you ever not feel well,
physically OR mentally, you'll know just where to go, and just who to ask
for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">And something we all can do. Let’s
remember that most people struggle at one time or another and those struggles
are often invisible. We don’t wear them as badges. So as we walk through life,
let’s treat those we meet with care, kindness and patience.</span></div>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">2017
FLHS Scholarship Recipient - Paul Jeon:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Paul
is a member of the National Honor Society, the National English Honor Society
and the Tri-M Music Honor Society. He is an active community volunteer, serving
as a Sunday school teacher and as a mentor and tutor for the XLR8 program in
Bridgeport. He is both an accomplished athlete and an accomplished tuba player.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">2017
FWHS Scholarship Recipient - Gabriel Mansour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gabriel
is a member of the National Honor Society and Tri-M music Honor Society. He is
an athlete and a musician, playing lacrosse and performing on percussion with
both the wind ensemble and the jazz ensemble. He has also contributed actively
to the community, supporting groups like Operation Hope, Connecticut Food Bank,
Bridgeport Community Closet, BBYO Civic Jewish Youth Group and the Federation
for Jewish Philanthropy of Upper Fairfield County.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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-->Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-89601013560118777212015-06-16T21:06:00.000-04:002015-06-16T21:09:02.627-04:002015 Scholarship Presentation<span style="font-size: large;">Tomorrow is a hard anniversary, but tonight was a night to honor Emma's legacy and present scholarships to two talented and deserving students. Here is Peter's scholarship speech:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2KIbe-ITqnIm2yingMZ7BBxVxKZlmc-j9F6-W2Rqn-Sf5paaH077k_n85ILRcEmQPNu9FJSPCwGwunm7LfYNTD8nnt_bAPVRI1FB4lGGfRwBMrATb1eNV1uW3a2xFZSTVFO7pz9_xkwVm/s1600/IMG_1807.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2KIbe-ITqnIm2yingMZ7BBxVxKZlmc-j9F6-W2Rqn-Sf5paaH077k_n85ILRcEmQPNu9FJSPCwGwunm7LfYNTD8nnt_bAPVRI1FB4lGGfRwBMrATb1eNV1uW3a2xFZSTVFO7pz9_xkwVm/s320/IMG_1807.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Good evening. My name is Peter von Euler and this is my wife, Nancy. When we established this scholarship 6 years ago we had 3 goals in mind. First, we wanted to celebrate our daughter's rich, if too short, life. Second, we wanted to provide a little help and encouragement to our award winners so that they might achieve their dreams. And, lastly, we wanted to use the award presentation as an opportunity to share some information that maybe, just maybe, would save a young person's life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Our daughter, Emma, was bright, beautiful, and talented. She LOVED music! She danced, sang, and played the flute, piccolo, saxophone, clarinet, and guitar. She dreamed of a life as a professional musician. By the age of 16, she had performed at Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, West Point, and Canterbury Cathedral. Emma was also kind and compassionate. She was a defender of underdogs everywhere and always had a shoulder for her friends to lean on. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Emma never reached her 17th birthday. An illness took her life. It attacked her brain. She had struggled with it for a long time. Though formidable, it was mostly invisible. Many of her friends didn’t even know she was ill. No, it wasn’t cancer. It was mental illness. I wonder how many of you, as you heard that last sentence, scrambled to replay the lines that came before it. I wonder how many of you think it’s odd to imply that those illnesses are comparable. Emma’s life ended with suicide, just as someone with AIDS might eventually succumb to pneumonia, but the disease that took her life was mental illness. I’m telling you this, because I feel that we treat ill people in this country differently, depending on the type of disease. Let’s be clear, though, people with mental illness do not choose their affliction. They are not weaker human beings, and when they fight their disease they are no less heroic. Unfortunately, many of those people are young, and many keep their struggle to themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Suicide is now the third leading cause of death for people ages 15-34. Suicide claims nearly as many lives each year as breast cancer; and as of 2010, more people in the United States lost their lives to suicide than in car accidents. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Many people think of suicide as being an extreme reaction to a failed relationship, lost job, or family crisis. The truth is, in 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. The good news is mental illness is treatable. But to be treated, a person needs to seek help. Everybody knows that diseases are best be treated if detected early. The same is true for mental illness. Don’t be afraid to seek help. Everybody knows that the struggle goes better when the patient has supporters, champions who walk alongside. Don’t be afraid to walk alongside a friend who’s struggling. We hope that you won’t consider it a cause for shame or a sign of weakness. We don’t look at other diseases that way. We hope that your generation is the generation that brings mental illness and mental health issues out in the open. Please, take care of each other.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fairfield Warde – </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This year’s scholarship winner is an avid violinist who has played in Warde’s Concert, Chamber, and Symphonic orchestras and is also a member of the Greater Bridgeport Youth Orchestra. She is a member of the Tri-M Music Honor Society, National Honor Society, and Math Honor Society. For all four years of high school she participated in a Music Enrichment program mentoring elementary school students, and she has been a mentor/translator at the Vasco de Gama Portuguese school. In her essay, she described herself as, “Being someone who wants to mesh the studies of music, art and psychology together in order to make discoveries that lie in between all of the disciplines.” Katie Reiss, we can’t wait to see what you discover!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fairfield Ludlowe – </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This year’s scholarship winner is a talented flutist, who is a member of the Tri-M Music Honor Society, the National Honor Society and the English Honor Society. She loves children and has worked as both a tutor and a flute teacher outside of school. She will be attending Fordham University next year, where she plans on majoring in Psychology and continuing with the flute. We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Memorial Scholarship to Abigail Price.</span><br />
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Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-52790276265632111282015-06-10T19:31:00.000-04:002015-06-10T20:47:43.690-04:00Postcard from a friend<span style="font-size: large;">I always appreciate it when someone gets in touch with me because they want to let me know that they have been thinking about Emma, or that they have visited her at the memorial Garden, or that they have a special memory they want to share. That has happened several times in the last couple of weeks. It does my heart good to know that others are carrying Emma with them just like we do. </span><br>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJUZuhJf9mx5_oPE2LhB8z8IyAoy42ha2jLnNtU16Lehv-vxSeis-3Bf7bCjBUntgvWlyFLiDbEx_GafFK9jAUw0hc3SPmP5I2nl_8zx_3RD8Eq7GEve8M8c5UIhS8sICU0cOoPuJpjy3P/s1600/PB250750.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJUZuhJf9mx5_oPE2LhB8z8IyAoy42ha2jLnNtU16Lehv-vxSeis-3Bf7bCjBUntgvWlyFLiDbEx_GafFK9jAUw0hc3SPmP5I2nl_8zx_3RD8Eq7GEve8M8c5UIhS8sICU0cOoPuJpjy3P/s320/PB250750.JPG" width="320"></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here is a lovely story that was shared with me just last week. Thank you, Victoria!</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Mrs. Von Euler,</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I don’t know if you remember me, but I was in FCCC with both of your daughters. Sarah and I were friends through FCCC and then continued to be friends at Lauralton. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I stumbled across your blog “Emma Times” today and read some stories about Emma and couldn’t help but smile and reminisce a bit myself. I wanted to write you and tell you about my fondest memory of Emma. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I joined FCCC when I was in 8th grade. I was placed in Concert choir and became friends with Sarah because we were the same voice part. Halfway through the year I was moved to Chamber choir because they needed some more Soprano II’s. As I walked into my first Chamber rehearsal I was terrified. I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t know any of the music. I was seated next to Emma. Mr. Noyes asked her to be my mentor and help me adjust. She took it upon herself to take me into the next room before rehearsal started and teach me my part for the songs we were working on. She did this for a couple weeks until I felt comfortable. She was the first person who showed me kindness and made me feel comfortable. She taught me to sing “Goin’ Up Yonder” which I later sang at her funeral. That song will forever remind me of Emma. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Emma had a beautiful heart and even though I only knew her for a short time, and that exchange was the most we talked, she changed my life. Because of Emma I look out for the newbies/nervous/lonely kids in a room and make sure to reach out to them, to make them feel comfortable. I seek to be Emma to others. Thank you for your beautiful daughter. </span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Victoria Conaway</span><br>
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Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-682516247897851222015-05-09T11:11:00.003-04:002015-05-09T11:11:36.183-04:00Portrait of a teen lost to suicide - Madison Holleran<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sharing this heart wrenching story of the loss of gifted student, athlete and adored friend, sister, and daughter, Madison Holleran. I can relate to so many parts of this story. I was particularly struck by a line from the book, <i>Reconstructing Amelia</i>, that Madison left behind as a clue to the turmoil and pain she was feeling. " Sometimes it's hard to tell how fast the current's moving until you're headed over a waterfall.<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 24px;">"</span></span><div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have always felt that Emma got pulled over a cliff of despair by a strong and unexpected wind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also was struck by this quote:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 24px;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Bill Schmitz Jr., former president of the American Association of Suicidology, points out that depression does not have a one-size-fits-all prognosis. "The course varies," he says. "In a way, it's the same as cancer. For some, we might prolong life for months, for years. For others, it can be very sudden."</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/12833146/instagram-account-university-pennsylvania-runner-showed-only-part-story" target="_blank">Click here </a>for the story.</span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-88526797977996929142014-09-17T12:41:00.001-04:002014-09-18T17:02:20.432-04:00Address to open Western CT State University's Social Work Professional Development Day<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Good
morning! It is a pleasure and an honor to be with you to kick off this day of
professional development. I hope that the day ahead is educational, inspiring
and renewing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
was asked to speak to you this morning on your theme of mental health: why it’s
important, the challenges, and what’s being done. It’s a big assignment and as
I thought about how to tackle that assignment, I arrived at a theme of my own –
stories. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In
this room, we probably all have some familiarity with the numbers. You may not be
as surprised as the general public to learn that almost 19% of CT adults
experienced some form of mental illness in the past year, or that suicide is
the 10<sup>th</sup> leading cause death in our nation and the second leading
cause of death for people ages 10 – 34. You might not even be surprised to
learn that more people die by suicide in our country now than in car accidents
or that suicide deaths account for the majority of deaths by firearms in our
country. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
undoubtedly know that since the closing of CT’s public mental hospitals, many
too many people with mental illness wind up in prison, homeless shelters, or on
the street, without access to treatment and support services that would help
them recover. It won’t surprise you that <span style="background: white;">64.2% of adult inmates have a mental disorder, but that fewer than half
of them receive any treatment; or that </span>39% of homeless individuals
report some form of mental illness and 20 – 25% meet the criteria for serious
mental illness.<span style="background: white;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">These
are compelling statistics to be sure. However, I have found that the most
powerful data about mental health comes in the form of stories. And it occurred
to me that as social workers, you are collectors and brokers of stories. You
extract stories, aggregate stories, shape stories and advocate with stories. So
let me add some to your collection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
was invited to speak to you about mental health because this past spring,
Fairfield County’s Community Foundation published a report called Healthy
Minds, Healthy Communities. There is a story behind this report, and it
actually goes back to December 14, 2012. I’m quite sure I don’t have to tell
you the significance of that date. The tragedy that struck Sandy Hook that day
rocked our entire nation. In response to that tragedy, President Obama issued a
call for a National Dialogue on Mental Health, an initiative to convene
community conversations all around the country to gather stories that
highlighted the barriers and strengths of the mental health response, and
encourage communities at all levels to take action that would bring change and
improvement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At
the Community Foundation we wanted to answer that call and we reached out to
the Southwest Regional Mental Health Board to help. They brought together some
community partners and with a small grant from the Community Foundation,
trained facilitators and began convening community conversations all across coastal
Fairfield County throughout the fall of 2013. Healthy Minds, Healthy
Communities summarizes the findings from those community conversations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Conversations
were held in urban and suburban areas, in homeless shelters and in senior
centers. We had groups that reached Spanish speakers, shelter residents, and
LGBTQ youth. But despite the diversity of the groups that we brought together,
the stories that emerged were strikingly similar and 5 major themes emerged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
first theme that emerged was the need for increased awareness and understanding
of the signs and symptoms of mental illness. The stories went something like
this, “I realize now that I was struggling with depression, but when I got
caught using drugs and alcohol in high school, my parents thought I was being a
rebellious teen.” One group summed it up like this, “Our parents, teachers and
administrators, and children are struggling to understand and address mental
illness…we recognize the need to provide our community and schools with
education to understand and address mental health.” A social worker participating
in one of our groups said, “There needs to be intervention in the school
system. People need to stop looking away or saying, ‘It’s not my business.’” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Recommendations
for addressing this challenge included awareness building activities like
mental health fairs; training programs, like QPR (Question, Persuade and Refer)
and Mental Health First Aid; and increased early detection and access to care
through schools and doctors. School-based health centers, which operate in 22
CT communities, including Bridgeport, Danbury, Norwalk and Stamford were
recognized as an excellent model for increasing access to behavioral healthcare
for children and youth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
second common theme in the conversations was the need for increased awareness
of how to seek help. How many of you in the audience know what 211 is? Well,
for those of you who don’t, you are in good company. 211 is CT’s 24 hour
information line. It is a resource for finding community-based mental health,
substance abuse and other services and supports and it is also the most
expedient way to access mobile crisis services for both children and adults.
Yet, the majority of participants in our community conversations had never
heard of it. I could fill the rest of my time with stories of caregivers who struggled
first to find any treatment, <u>then</u> struggled to find the right treatment,
and <u>then</u> struggled to find treatment they could afford. In all of these
stories, parents and caregivers felt like pioneers, forging new frontiers to
ask questions and mine for information, as if no one had ever faced a challenge
like theirs in the history of mankind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Our
groups actually set right to work on this challenge. As a result of the
conversations, some towns have already begun efforts to increase the visibility
of 211 on all town websites and public information, and to develop their own
lists of local mental health resources. Just this fall, the Southwest Regional
Mental Health Board launched its new web resource targeting teens and young
adults called TurningPointCT.org and Laurel House in Stamford is in the process
of launching Resources to Recover: RtoR.org, a website where people can educate
themselves about various diagnoses, find information about treatment options,
and get provider recommendations from the people who know them best – their
patients. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
third theme that came out of the conversations was the need for increased
availability of services and providers who were equipped to meet the unique
needs of diverse populations. Depending on who was in the group, different
needs emerged. Young people and parents from suburban towns focused on needing
a release from the pressure cooker environment in their towns. Our Hispanic
participants shared that their linguistic and cultural differences compounded
their feelings of isolation. One of our Spanish-speaking participants described
waiting two hours for mental health services at a hospital, only to finally
meet with an employee who was Spanish-speaking, but <u>not</u> a clinician.
Despite the fact that Hispanic teens have higher rates of suicide and eating
disorders than their peers, participants felt that schools were inadequately equipped
to respond to them in a culturally sensitive manner. LGBTQ participants pointed
to a dearth of affirming providers, and noted that the isolation that they face
is often compounded when they have another marginalizing factor, like race,
language, culture, age or citizenship status. Senior citizens noted that
factors like physical disability, immobility, and loss of social networks
contributed to the high rates of depression and substance abuse experienced
amongst older Americans. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
recommendations from these groups focused on promoting connectedness,
increasing access to culturally sensitive and affirming providers, and removing
other barriers to care, such as linguistic, transportation or accessibility
barriers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
fourth theme in the conversations was the need to increase access to quality
care. While public and private mental health resources exist throughout
Fairfield County, participants in our conversations noted multiple barriers to
access, including a shortage of Intensive Outpatient Programs, long waiting
lists, scarce services and support groups for young adults, shortages of school
social workers and school psychologists, shortages of psychiatrists, and
shortages of bilingual providers. You’re getting into the right field.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It
will come as no surprise that affordability was identified as a huge barrier to
treatment. While mental health parity is law at both the national and state
levels, it is clearly NOT a reality. Caregivers in our conversations told stories
of agonizing over having to choose a less effective treatment option or
provider, or worse yet, no treatment, because of insurance or financial
constraints. I spoke to a caregiver just recently who told me about a
conversation she had with her insurance company. The company would only pay
$3,000 of the $65,000 charged for the residential treatment required by her
seriously mentally ill child. When she challenged them on it, the customer
service representative said, “Well, he didn’t appear to be a threat to himself
or others. If he had killed himself or someone else, we would have covered it.”
I wish I was making that up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">That
story highlights another part of the parity problem that goes way beyond what
insurance does and does not cover. Unlike physical illness, with mental
illness, it’s not enough that you are suffering and in pain. Your pain and
suffering isn’t judged to be real until it is causing visible, tangible damage
to your life or the lives of others. At a recent public hearing to inform the
development of an integrated behavioral health plan, parents stood up one after
another to share the stories of their struggles to get attention for their
children. “I knew something was wrong, but the professionals kept telling me it
was normal,” one said. “As long as she was doing okay in school, nobody really
cared about our concerns,” another commented. Can you imagine a doctor
discovering an outwardly imperceptible tumor and saying, “You know what? I
can’t really see that without an MRI. Let’s wait to treat that until it’s
really big and painful.” Why do we
tolerate mental suffering to a degree that we do not tolerate physical
suffering? We’ll return to this question.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAq0lFnNjrGDa1MX1x7H0YpV1mSJyz_PsCSFLQb9GnGQ1dlTPm1HKFNmPpWS-HBW31jgMCXfpM_cEWZQIcrAhNG2GS8KmSIVtGD2d3jkCXN0YGS5j2lJKtBB01tsgMhZMMccR13AldJL7_/s1600/graph1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAq0lFnNjrGDa1MX1x7H0YpV1mSJyz_PsCSFLQb9GnGQ1dlTPm1HKFNmPpWS-HBW31jgMCXfpM_cEWZQIcrAhNG2GS8KmSIVtGD2d3jkCXN0YGS5j2lJKtBB01tsgMhZMMccR13AldJL7_/s1600/graph1.jpg" height="224" title="" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
here’s yet another perspective on the </span><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f">
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</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">parity
problem. The graph you are looking at</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">displays the change in the number of
deaths from 2000-2010 for 6 of the top 10 causes of death in the United States.
You can see that for 5 out of the 6, deaths declined - from a whopping 42% for
HIV/AIDS to a modest 2% for breast cancer. However, during that same period,
deaths by suicide INCREASED by 31%.</span><br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXgz601_xL2IYwCEch0zov1aQcKWnwEfUnnL_B-JI05HjRl6Bem0hUudo3YygMsPiH9Qd5R9iQNMDz_HJzdXcdKHmByQ21vl7Ho9UsXsGgpCGXS5z8RVJ2tqedUWW8ZW2wsPjY9lqtAYLD/s1600/graph2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXgz601_xL2IYwCEch0zov1aQcKWnwEfUnnL_B-JI05HjRl6Bem0hUudo3YygMsPiH9Qd5R9iQNMDz_HJzdXcdKHmByQ21vl7Ho9UsXsGgpCGXS5z8RVJ2tqedUWW8ZW2wsPjY9lqtAYLD/s1600/graph2.jpg" height="225" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">This
next graph shows NIH research dollars in millions for these same six causes of
death for the period from 2009-2012. Do you notice anything? For HIV/AIDS, a
disease on which we have spent upwards of $12 billion on research over three
years, we are realizing that stunning 42% decline in the number of deaths. By
comparison, the investment in suicide research isn’t even in the same order of
magnitude as the other leading causes of death – only $165 million over 3
years. And the result? An equally stunning 31% INCREASE in the number of deaths. How
do we tolerate this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Fortunately,
there is some movement at the state and national level that offers promise for
system-wide change. At the national level there is the recent </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">passage of the<b>
Excellence in Mental Health Act</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> which represents the greatest federal investment in
community-based mental health and substance abuse treatment in history and
helps insure access to quality, effective services for people who did not have
access before.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
Congress also recently passed provisions of </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">the <b>MODDERN Cures Act</b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">, which will allow providers to quickly begin
using diagnostics that can dramatically improve the safety and effectiveness of
prescribing psychiatric medications.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> And, we have seen i</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">ncreased funding for
the<b> National Violent Death Reporting System. </b>Up</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> until recently this uniform reporting
system was only being implemented in 18 states. With the recently approved $7.5
million increase, the system will now be implemented in 32 states, including
CT. Why is this important? Almost every major cause of death has a system in
place for uniformly collecting comprehensive data about deaths by that illness.
That data has been the foundation that has helped to inform the incredible
advancements we have seen in cancer treatment, heart disease, HIV/AIDS and
other illnesses. The National Violent Death Reporting System will help us to
get that data for suicide deaths. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At
the state level the<b> Young Adult
Behavioral Health Services Task Force</b> is studying the provision of mental
health and addiction services in the state, with a focus on services for people
ages 16-25; and last year the legislature directed the Department of Children
and Families to produce a comprehensive, integrated behavioral health plan for
CT’s children. A draft of that plan was released just last week and the plan
will be finalized this fall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
last and perhaps the most consistent theme across our conversations was the
need to erase the damaging stigma faced by people who suffer from mental
illness and their caregivers; and in my humble opinion, this is a big part of
what drives the parity problem. Time and
time again, participants told stories about how the stigma surrounding mental
illness kept them from seeking treatment, or reaching out to others for support
and encouragement. I know it also keeps people from advocating for change. One
mother said, “For me, I would scream from the rooftops to get help for my daughter.
But I know for her, if she knew other people heard about her struggles, it
would be devastating, because the stigma is there and people can be so cruel.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Other
conversation participants talked about the media’s part in perpetuating the
stigma that surrounds mental illness. A Stratford teenager said, “The media
does not portray what someone who is mentally ill is really like. They will
portray a serial killer and not talk about problems that many people can relate
to.” A mother described how that stereotype of mental illness affected her
personally, when she made the decision to send her teenage son to a residential
facility – a difficult decision she made in consultation with a psychiatrist
who had followed him for many years. “There is a perception of mental illness
that you’re ‘off the charts,’” she said. “Because his symptoms didn’t manifest
externally, parents and others in the community would come up to me and tell me
they didn’t agree with my decision.” Little did they know that her son was
having suicidal thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">A
number of awareness campaigns at both the state and national level are trying
to get at this issue of stigma. The Jed Foundation, the National Alliance on
Mental Illness, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, The Trevor Project
and other organizations have national campaigns aimed at reducing stigma,
increasing awareness, and increasing help-seeking behaviors. Hartford Hospital has
launched a “Stop the Stigma” campaign and a Wilton student, Isabel Zayas,
started a local chapter of the national Let’s Erase the Stigma campaign at
Wilton High School.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">At
the heart of the most successful of these campaigns are the stories: real,
unembellished, and heartbreakingly common. And we all have one. Yes, all of us.
Given the incidence of mental illness in our country, it’s pretty safe to say
that if you haven’t experienced some form of mental illness yourself, you know
and love someone who has. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbyr57aKgK2-UaQSmqWyMVWGkYwDJoC6pUyIxATQgHxnaqnMVLzgerSSP6UX5eO0U4tdLZKLl0eDWRXUSyu7yCT3btYH2_QmlAdV7tiT3Gtnft5N_oy39OWmPEemf-ol1-RzOYMnrYI4gQ/s1600/Summer_2007086.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbyr57aKgK2-UaQSmqWyMVWGkYwDJoC6pUyIxATQgHxnaqnMVLzgerSSP6UX5eO0U4tdLZKLl0eDWRXUSyu7yCT3btYH2_QmlAdV7tiT3Gtnft5N_oy39OWmPEemf-ol1-RzOYMnrYI4gQ/s1600/Summer_2007086.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
have a story, too. My connection to this issue pre-dates the headline grabbing
tragedy at Sandy Hook. Mine is one of the overlooked stories. It is the story
of my beautiful, smart, and multi-talented teenage daughter, Emma, who
struggled to give voice to her troubled inner life. Together, we looked for help
from doctors, therapists, teachers and guidance counselors, only to be told her
issues were “typical teenage stuff” and “normal teenage stress.” When her grades
began to drop significantly in her junior year of high school, teachers and her
therapist were unalarmed and unresponsive. Her pediatrician was blasé about the
impact of a hormonal disorder that was keeping her from getting periods, causing
weight gain, and was known to cause depression. Her mostly silent struggle
ended five days before her 17<sup>th</sup> birthday when she took her life. My
life ended that day, too. Or at least my life as I had known it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">You
see, when it comes to mental illness, our biggest failing as a nation is that
we have failed to accurately tally the devastating cost of letting these
diseases go unfettered. We have failed to add up the cost of lives lost, of
lives shattered, and of lives spent in the shadows. If we think we can’t afford to solve this
problem, we should take stock of the price we are already paying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">But,
you all know this, I suspect. People don’t often come to the profession of
social work without a story of their own. I’m guessing that behind the passion
for change and for helping others that each of you is going to bring to your
new profession is a story that fuels that passion. And as you launch your new
careers, you will be in the very privileged position of hearing other people’s
deepest and most personal stories. Don’t ever underestimate the power of those
stories to connect, to inspire, to educate, and to drive change. Thank you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-31473784987871565202014-09-06T13:07:00.000-04:002016-09-05T09:33:02.841-04:00How You are Helping to Prevent Suicide<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fJFQcZpee1s1Kax8mXOlofAOJl3JGbZT9uXbZ7yvgaY2WfgxIcy0FKOQI9M1pgl-YtDuujE9maEIN-x193NUzbaO0JI2mGpZmufKgtMe4qVmwRDMQOWAxuY_tVyPp73yStvAokvTaH3G/s1600/OOTD2013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fJFQcZpee1s1Kax8mXOlofAOJl3JGbZT9uXbZ7yvgaY2WfgxIcy0FKOQI9M1pgl-YtDuujE9maEIN-x193NUzbaO0JI2mGpZmufKgtMe4qVmwRDMQOWAxuY_tVyPp73yStvAokvTaH3G/s1600/OOTD2013.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
This will be our sixth year participating as Team Emma in the Out of the Darkness Walk benefiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Team Emma was founded just a couple of months after Emma died by Jessica Ricchetti, one of Emma's very wise friends. In the wake of Emma's death, Jessica wanted to try to understand Emma's death and help to prevent other suicide deaths in the future. AFSP was her answer, and we followed her lead.<br />
<br />
Many of you followed our lead. Without knowing much about suicide prevention or AFSP, you generously and faithfully donated to Team Emma each year and helped us raise many thousands of dollars for the cause. We know that you did that without questioning where your money was going. You did it to support us. We are so grateful for that expression of unconditional love.<br />
<br />
But we think you deserve to know not just where your money is going, but what your money is doing, because you are making some really great things happen!<br />
<br />
<b><u>Keeping it Local</u></b><br />
Many of you may not realize that half of your money stays right here in Connecticut to support all kinds of programs:<br />
<ul>
<li>Chapter volunteers run a monthly support group for survivors, which can be a real lifeline for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. </li>
<li>Every year the local chapter of AFSP hosts a survivor conference to offer support and education for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. </li>
<li>Our chapter has paid to train volunteers in a number of different suicide prevention protocols and educational curricula. These volunteers are available to provide education and/or training for your school or group.</li>
<li>Your support helps us to purchase and produce educational and informational resources that Chapter volunteers distribute at health fairs and resource fairs.</li>
<li>We sponsored Mental Health First Aid training for youth leaders in Stamford and Norwalk high schools. These youth now know how to recognize signs of depression and mental illness and how to be a resource to their peers. We look forward to sponsoring this training at more schools!</li>
<li>This fall we are sponsoring a Mental Health First Aid training for first responders, like police, fire, and EMT/ambulance. This training radically improves the response and safety for first responders and also ensures a safe and effective response for the person in crisis. </li>
<li>We have partnered with an area movie theater to sponsor PSAs about suicide prevention that will run in September and will reach thousands. </li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><u>Advocacy</u></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEC-jR8s51DXmANeyXl8J2O10mNqaMry6qQ0ASZswqhBJzAvVOkuoWi2Srd-FAdl0w0N5UQ1XtlMC-k8V72bpLX1BkwEhSeWh5bcjD8LdAevAIGRcHk_AddYWW8xbA79pfT1_GndTrJ4C/s1600/photo+(10).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEC-jR8s51DXmANeyXl8J2O10mNqaMry6qQ0ASZswqhBJzAvVOkuoWi2Srd-FAdl0w0N5UQ1XtlMC-k8V72bpLX1BkwEhSeWh5bcjD8LdAevAIGRcHk_AddYWW8xbA79pfT1_GndTrJ4C/s1600/photo+(10).jpg" /></a></u></b></div>
</div>
<div>
Every year, AFSP brings more than 200 advocates from all over the country to Washington, D.C. to learn about important advancements and advocate for legislation that can help prevent suicide. Many of you know that I have participated in these advocacy forums for the past two years. It is an amazing event. We descend upon Capitol Hill and together manage to make personal visits to every single congressional and senate office over the course of one day. The visits, the personal stories, and the compelling facts and data we share are making a difference and we have had some notable victories in the last two years:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b>Passage of the Excellence in Mental Health Act</b> which represents the greatest federal investment in community-based mental health and substance abuse treatment and helps insure access to quality, effective services for people who did not have access before.</li>
<li><b>Passage of the MODDERN Cures Act</b>, which will allow providers to quickly begin using diagnostics that could dramatically improve the safety and effectiveness of prescribing psychiatric medications.</li>
<li><b>Increased funding for the National Violent Death Reporting System</b> that will allow this universal reporting system which, until recently, was only being implemented in 18 states, to be implemented in 32 states, including Connecticut. Almost every major cause of death has a system in place for uniformly collecting data about deaths by that illness. That data has been the foundation that has helped inform incredible advancements in cancer treatment, heart disease and other illnesses. The National Violent Death Reporting System will help us to get that data for suicide deaths. </li>
<li>Re-authorization of the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act which provides funding for much of the community-based and school-based suicide prevention programming in our country.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><u>Research</u></b></div>
</div>
<div>
AFSP is supporting promising research that will lead to advancements in suicide prevention. I encourage you to explore the <a href="http://www.afsp.org/research/our-research" target="_blank">AFSP website</a> to learn about the studies that AFSP is supporting.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>It's time for me to ask for your support of Team Emma once again this year, but I do so knowing that, together, we are truly making a difference. Let's create a world without suicide!</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/NvE" target="_blank">Click here</a> to donate<br />
<br />
<a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/team/EJ" target="_blank">Click here </a>to join or donate to Team Emma</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-51221472425683598662014-06-24T07:27:00.000-04:002014-06-24T07:27:59.551-04:00My Dearest Emma by Lindsey Elizabeth Sullivan<span style="font-size: large;">This letter was written to Emma by her good friend from high school, Lindsey, and was read at the dedication ceremony for the butterfly garden by another friend, Rachel. It touched my heart and I asked if I could share it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background: rgb(247, 247, 247); color: #3e454c; font-family: Helvetica;">My
dearest Emma. I am so sorry that I cannot be here tonight, but I do know that
you are with me always (especially in New York City where fedoras are the bomb.
You’re a trendsetter among the clouds. Anna Wintour needs to watch out.
Seriously.) You are with all of us gathered here this evening and have been for
the past five years. I can’t believe that it has been five years since the
butterfly became TRULY significant to all of us that June. They were always
pretty I suppose, but once they became a means of remembering you – vibrant,
constantly fluttering on to the next great adventure, and of course, fabulous –
seeing butterflies became crucial to brightening our darkest days. Cherishing
the small details – like a white pair of wings fluttering at the end of the
driveway – was something we all had to learn how to do at that time and in each
and every day following. You have been instrumental to teaching us that and a
number of other lessons for the past five years. We’ve learned that normal is,
indeed, simply a setting on a washer/dryer. We’ve learned that it’s okay to ask
for help on the sad days and to celebrate the good ones. We’ve learned that we
should sing anyway. We’ve learned to tell the people we love that we love them
and to MEAN it too, even and especially if we see them everyday or if we are
scared to say those words out loud. We have learned to advocate for ourselves
and for our friends. We have learned to be kinder to those we meet. We have
learned that every exchange, every conversation, every gesture, every word,
every day, every moment counts. I’m sure that we have all changed significantly
over the past five years; the caterpillars ain’t got nothin’ on us. And I know,
at least for me, your presence has given me the strength, inspiration, courage,
and good vibes to face my metamorphosis head on. Change is inevitable, and it
is scary and often even sad. However, change does not always have to mean
saying good-bye to something or someone. Rather, change can encourage us to
beat our wings onward. Change can encourage us to notice the seemingly small
stuff. But most importantly, change helps us to better appreciate the things
that stay the same. The family and friends we can’t live without. Our favorite
foods and places. Our love for you. A lot has certainly changed in the past
five years, but not a day, nor butterfly, goes by when we do not think of you.</span><span style="font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-160953863537240052014-06-18T19:34:00.001-04:002014-06-18T19:34:14.848-04:00Five Long Years by Betty Anderson Dworschak<span style="font-size: large;">This poem was sent to us yesterday by our dear college friend, Betty. Thank you, Betty.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Five Long Years <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s been five long years since that fateful day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When your darkest fears met the black void of grief and loss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Five years of stark reality that stretch out and contract<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Suddenly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>impulsively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>painfully.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You feel the sharp sting of the endless rubber band<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Around your heart and stare unseeing, uncomprehending<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">At the rosary you now carry with you always.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">And yet <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You grapple to come to terms <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You clutch and convey your memories<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You snatch moments of joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You seize chances to connect, to bond, to love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You risk your heart to change the unwritten future of
strangers <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You speak for those who have become your furtive family <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Struggling in a silent sadness you know all too well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s been five long years since that fateful day<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When the gauntlet was ripped from your flesh <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And thrown down, unbidden and unwanted <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Your existence made raw, a gaping abyss before you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">With no way back to the safe past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Forward, with footsteps unsure but resolute, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You defy the emptiness and deify the love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is no higher purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">We <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We who did not hear the shriek rise from our own throats<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We who did not discover that the awful terror was coming
from within us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We who did not stagger from that shock<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Can never know, or presume to touch your loss, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">A wound healing but never healed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">But <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can bear witness and stand by you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can let in and soak up the memories you share<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unafraid of your immeasurable grief, never measuring, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Poised to tender what small solace surfaces and survives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s been five long years since that fateful day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Far away and in all ways, so far, and so far removed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Distant, but with arms wide open, I have but one small gift
to give, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">An ephemeral embodiment of the spirit that lives on in you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The horrible moment has not destroyed you.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-28039464909916315592014-06-18T08:18:00.005-04:002014-09-17T19:07:42.334-04:00Emma Jane von Euler Memorial Scholarship presentation - 2014<span style="font-size: large;">Last night, on the 5th anniversary of Emma's death, we made the 4th annual presentation of the scholarship we established in her name. The anniversary is always a tough day, and we're never quite sure how to negotiate it. The scholarship presentation gave us some direction and purpose for the day. We were privileged to honor our daughter and to recognize the two remarkable young men who were selected for the scholarship. Here are our remarks:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Peter:</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hello, my name is Peter von Euler, and this is my wife, Nancy. </span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-9d399883-aee0-7890-9f66-bf22ef0653d8" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship is awarded each year to a student who demonstrates not only a talent and love for music, but also a kind and generous spirit and a desire to help and inspire others. We make this presentation as a memorial to our daughter, who had a passion for music in many forms and who had a soft spot for anyone who appeared to need a friend. In that same spirit, we also use this occasion to put forth a plea to all of you, to look out for your classmates and to take care of yourself.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">It was on this day, June 17, five years ago, that our daughter Emma ended her life. She was five days short of her 17th birthday.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My wife, our younger daughter, Sarah, and I became survivors of suicide that day. We are determined not only to survive, but also to keep Emma’s memory alive. We also hope to keep more young people alive. We, (particularly my wife), have set out to learn what we can and to share. So, here’s a public service announcement: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. Suicide claims nearly as many lives each year as breast cancer; and as of 2010, more people in the United States died by suicide than died in car accidents.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Nancy:</span></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Most of you who took driver’s ed. have a healthy appreciation for the risks of driving. If you are a woman, I’d be willing to bet that you are well aware of the risk factors for breast cancer, but I suspect that you know less about the risk factors for suicide. Most people think of suicide as an extreme reaction to a failed relationship, a lost job, or a family crisis. The truth is, in 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The good news is mental illness is treatable. But to be treated, you need to seek help. You have to take your mental health as seriously as you take your physical health. So, here is what I want all of you to do. When you step onto the campus of your new school next fall, find out where the health center </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the counseling center are. Chances are they were not a stop on your campus tour. If you are an overachiever, go in; find out what the hours are and what services they offer; introduce yourself to the staff; get comfortable and familiar. That way, should you ever not feel well, physically OR mentally, you'll know where to go, and who to ask for. And please, never ever be ashamed or afraid to ask for all help. We ALL need help sometime.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">This year we are awarded the scholarship to two young men who are gifted scholars, athletes AND musicians and who have also contributed in a meaningful way to his school and the community at large. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Congratulations to Jack Ullman - Fairfield Warde High School and Erik Stahle - Fairfield Ludlowe High School.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Georgia; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-20148387833831916912014-06-06T08:39:00.001-04:002015-06-14T16:04:17.694-04:00Sarah Graduates<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think that graduations are always a little bittersweet - the closing of one door and the opening of another. That is certainly true for our celebration of Sarah's recent graduation from Lauralton Hall.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We had anticipated spring 2014 ever since Emma entered high school and we realized that 2014 was the year we would celebrate two graduates in the class of 2014 - Emma from college, and Sarah from high school. We imagined the big bash we would throw to celebrate this great time for our family. So there was an extra layer of bittersweet as we celebrated Sarah's graduation from Lauralton on Sunday. The absence of our Emma who never made that high school milestone, never mind the college milestone we had anticipated celebrating this spring; but also the spectacular presence and accomplishment of Sarah whose graduation from Lauralton marks so much more than the earning of a simple diploma.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you to all of you who have walked a stretch of the rocky road with us over these past years. You share in this celebration which is still sweet, despite the absence of one so very missed. Below are the tributes/toasts Peter and I gave to Sarah at her party, and a video of memories. I'm sure we embarrassed her, but she took it very well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One final note. I was also missing my parents on graduation day and was remembering how much my father liked the name we chose for Sarah. "I can hear it on graduation day," he said. "Sarah Lillian von Euler. Classy!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nancy's Tribute:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I suppose
at this stage of a child’s life, most parents would look back and reflect
proudly on the important lessons they had taught their child; but as I
reflected, I couldn’t help but note the important things that Sarah had taught
me. I’d like to share some of the most valuable lessons with all of you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">One of the
things Sarah did not teach me was how to put together a toast or a roast, or
whatever this is, without shamelessly borrowing from overused formats, so I’m
going to offer up my list of valued lessons a la Letterman in a top 10 list.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 10!
– Popular Music. I’m showing my age by calling it popular music, but so be it.
Whenever Sarah gets into my car she turns off NPR, plugs in her phone and
treats me to the music in her iTunes library, while patiently answering my
questions about who I’m listening to and what else they’ve done. Without Sarah,
I might have missed an entire decade of music while in the NPR zone. Instead, I
am a well-rounded adult who recognizes the voices of both Ofeibia Quist-Arcton
and Ariana Grande. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 9! –
Ordering Coffee. Having not grown up in the coffee-obsessed culture we live in
now, I have trouble negotiating the complex array of sizes, flavorings and
other options on the typical coffee house menu. Sarah, on the other hand, is a
pro. In a Starbucks, Sarah can impress by ordering a grande mocha polka
latte-chino while I, on the other hand, have people snickering because I have asked
for a tall blonde. Apparently, you should include the word roast, a tall blonde
ROAST. That was an important lesson.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 8! –
The Art of Commuting – I commuted to New York via Metro North for grad school
and certainly mastered the science of commuting, but Sarah has taught me the
art commuting. Sarah could get up at 6:50 and make a 7:15 train! She would roll
out of bed fully-dressed in her uniform. As we know, Lauralton is an all-girls
school, so she didn’t need to brush her hair. I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">think</i> she brushed her teeth. Even with this slim window, we would
carve out time to go through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and practice our
coffee ordering. We would get to the train station with just minutes to spare, but
Sarah would spend all of those minutes in the car, texting and finishing up the
morning’s lesson in popular music. Not until the train was pulling into the
station, would Sarah begin casually tucking away her phone, putting the straw
in her iced coffee, pulling on her jacket or sweatshirt, gathering up her
backpack, and walking towards the train. The last of the boarding passengers
were typically already on the train by the time she reached the top of the ramp
to the platform - and this is when it got really exciting – she would walk
across the now empty platform and step inside the train just in time to have
the doors close immediately behind her! Her timing was impeccable – or the
conductors were patient – I’m not really sure which, but it certainly made for
a heart-pumping start of the day for me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 7! –
What Phones are For! For years I labored under the misconception that phones
were for talking, but Sarah has taught me that phones are for texting and
surfing the internet and listening to music, etc., etc. Actual calls should apparently
only be made when texting and emails have failed. Peter has not completely learned
this lesson. He reached Sarah in the car one day (I was driving) and after
Sarah got off the phone with him she said, “Oh my God! He calls and he wants to
stay on the phone and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">talk </i>to you!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 6! –
A Thing or Not a Thing – This is not a riff on Shakespeare, but rather a new
system of classification that does not share the limitations of prior
classification systems like the periodic table or Linnaeus’ biological
taxonomy. The Thing and Not a Thing system incorporates such esoteric concepts
as fashion, taste, and even ethics, and is, therefore, much harder to master.
But Sarah is a serious student of classification and is as close to a Thing –
Not a Thing scholar, as I believe one can be. Peter and I have tried hard to
catch up. We have spent many a dinner conversation discussing whether some
action or object should be classified as a Thing or Not a Thing, but we almost
always have to defer to Sarah’s better judgment. It’s confusing. Sometimes
someone will have done something, which you would think would make it a Thing,
but because it was idiotic that they did it, it is Not a Thing. Here’s one that
I have mastered – Dunkin Donuts cookie dough flavored iced coffee – On the menu
- Not a Thing!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 5! –
Spray Tans – Not a Thing! – This is a lesson that Sarah taught me just
recently. It was the morning of Prom Day and we were sitting in the car at the
train station with a full 3 ½ minutes to spare. Sarah was duly ensconced in
social media, keeping tabs on the news regarding manicures, make-up, up-dos and
who was most likely to be annoyingly late for pictures, when suddenly her head
popped up and she started frantically scanning the station parking lot. “Is
everything okay?” I said. She turned to me with great seriousness and said,
“Someone has a bad spray tan!” I was puzzled. “How do you know that? Did
someone text you?” “No! I overheard someone ask her friend if she had showered
yet. That can only mean one thing. She has a bad spray tan!” Now see, if I had
overheard that conversation, I would have assumed that the friend smelled bad. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I was unaware of the algorithm – Prom minus
shower equals bad spray tan; and this is what worries me. Sarah is heading off
to college in just a couple of months, and I clearly still have so much to
learn!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 4! –
Social Media – Let me just put it out there. No adult should venture into the
world of social media without teenage supervision. I know that as the parent, I
should have set limits and guidelines for Sarah’s use of all things Internet,
but the fact of the matter is, she understands it way better than I do. Sarah
has gently tried to teach us texting etiquette, but people who learned to type
on an IBM Selectrix have trouble adjusting to the new rules. Punctuation and
sentences starting with capital letters? Not a Thing! Messages sent in all
caps? Not a Thing unless it is a declaration of war. I did not know that,
exclamation point!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Just when I
was mastering Facebook, Sarah had pretty much abandoned it for Twitter and
Instagram. I’m still not sure I get Twitter, but in an effort to keep up with
my child, I set up an account and launched my first tweet. I think it was
something like “Look at me, I’m tweeting #oldfartstweet.” It might have been
really embarrassing to my family, but I didn’t have any followers. Several
months later, Sarah and her friends tried to re-launch my Twitter identity by
sending out a carefully crafted tweet, sure to garner the attention of adoring
teenage fans everywhere. Judging by their hysterics, I gather I was being very
funny. I can’t say for sure because I didn’t understand what “I” was saying.
Again –nothing. Sarah, always the problem-solver, suggested that what I needed
to do to get some followers was to follow more people myself. So, I dutifully began
following some of the great thinkers of our day: Andy Cohen, Bethenny Frankel
and Nene Leakes. If you don’t watch Bravo TV – well, I feel sorry for you. This
sage advice from Sarah led to one of the greatest social media moments of my
life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I was
taking the long train ride back from DC by myself after a conference this past
February. I was flipping through my twitter timeline, something I had only
recently learned to do, when I came across a kvetching tweet, by Andy Cohen. He
was complaining about a plane trip west that wasn’t going well. “ Spending 9
hours on a plane only to land in L.A.,” he kveeted. I wittily replied to his
tweet, “Don’t complain. I’m spending 5 hours on a train and I’m landing in
Bridgeport.” And then something amazing happened – Andy Cohen replied “LOL
@nancyvone!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">When I had
composed myself I texted Sarah to tell her about the tweet from Andy. She
texted right back, “That’s great, Mom. I’ll check out your Twitter feed.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found out later that she then turned to
Peter and said, “That’s so cute. Mom thinks Andy Cohen tweeted at her.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Now it’s
true, there had been a incident a month earlier when I thought that Tom
Colicchio had replied to my tweet and it turned out to only be his restaurant,
but when she checked this time she discovered that it was, in fact, THE Andy
Cohen! She texted me again. “I saw it Mom. Wow! That’s so cool! I’m going to
re-tweet it. BTW, you’re not supposed to use punctuation in your hashtags.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Thing! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 3! –
Perseverance – On a more serious note, over the years Sarah has taught me a lot
about perseverance and this past year was no exception. Sarah was blessed this
year with a new field hockey coach who was so singularly focused on winning the
state championship that she didn’t let petty distractions, like humanity, get
in her way. She was a tough gal to please and an even tougher gal to talk to.
When frustration was running particularly high, I suggested to Sarah that there
would be no shame in quitting a team that had ceased to be fun or rewarding. But
she would have none of that. “I’m not a quitter, Mom,” she said, and indeed,
she is not. Sarah used her humor to rescue the season for herself and for many
discouraged teammates. While Coach Kati was holding up signs with plays for the
starters on the field, Sarah was behind her holding up signs with plays for the
stalwart benchwarmers. My favorite was the picture of the nun with her hands
folded in prayer, signifying that they should all start saying their Hail
Mary’s. I’m pretty sure that’s what got them to the championship. At the end of
the season banquet, Sarah gave a hysterical speech that brought down the house
and Coach Kati now follows Sarah on Twitter. Just sayin’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 2! –
Courage. When I read the description of Sarah’s proposed camp trip to Bolivia I
thought it sounded exhilarating - like roller coaster exhilarating, which is to
say, scary. But if Sarah was going to be brave enough to go, we needed to be
brave enough to let her. I was most scared about the time she would spend in
the Andes, battling frigid overnight temperatures and extreme altitude. That
part of the trip was, in fact, very hard. There were several mornings when she
woke up vomiting and then had to hike the whole day. I breathed a sigh of
relief when she emailed us after that stage of the trip and was heading off for
what I imagined was the more serene rainforest portion of the trip. Thankfully,
I didn’t know anything about the piranha and crocodile-infested rivers, roads
blockaded by protesters, and the need to abandon their vehicles and hitchhike
to their destination until Sarah had safely arrived back on American soil,
feeling great about the challenges she had stared down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Everybody
recognizes and appreciates that kind of courage – courage in the face of
obvious danger or hardship; but Sarah has also shown the other kind of courage that
people often overlook – the day-to-day courage it takes to stay in the game and
play it the best you can even when life has dealt you some really bad cards. No
one gets this more than Peter and I do, and we have tremendous respect and
admiration for the way she has bravely and honestly played the cards she has
been dealt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Number 1!
Wisdom – You can study a lot and get smart, but wisdom is a gift, and Sarah has
it. Sarah has the ability to boil down the most complex ideas or situations
into simple, clear statements of truth. So many times she has uttered something
that has stopped me in my tracks and made me think, “Now those are words to live
by” or “True dat!” (Sarah taught me that phrase). Today, Sarah was handed her
high school diploma, but the God’s honest truth is she already has a Ph.D. in
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">You may or
may not have noticed that your invitation had a picture of an acorn on it. In
part, that was an inside joke - a reference to the fact, that on the bus ride
to the state field hockey championships, Sarah calmed the nerves and stirred
the souls of her teammates with a powerful rendition of the Saugatuck
Elementary School song, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mighty Oaks from
Tiny Acorns Grow. </i>But we also thought it was very fitting for the occasion.
Sarah, you entered the world as a preemie – the tiniest of acorns, and you have
indeed grown into a mighty, mighty oak. We love you so much and are so very proud
of you. Congratulations!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, Sarah, I will keep this
brief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just have a short song that I
want to sing to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you could just
come up here so I can sing it to you…no?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Actually, I wanted us to do a dance that you taught me when you were
about two…. but that might embarrass you, and I might hurt myself…and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> might embarrass you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But here’s the problem:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom has already taken a lot of the best
material.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was funny parent AND
sentimental parent all in one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
leaves me very little room as a parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, I’m going to do what anyone would do when he is at a loss for words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to steal someone else’s. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few weeks back, your
English teacher had the nerve to give you an assignment that was due on the
last day of school:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>recite a poem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps she was unaware that that was not a
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, she did allow you to
choose your own poem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The poem you chose
turned out to be one I knew and loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
loved it more, though, when I realized that it was really a poem about you, my
amazing daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now the poet is not
exactly one who you would call famous, but she has a lot to say about the kind
of fame to which we should all aspire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Famous<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Naomi Nye<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The river is famous to the
fish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The loud voice is famous to
silence,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which knew it would inherit
the earth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before anybody said so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The cat sleeping on the fence
is famous to the birds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Watching him from the
birdhouse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The tear is famous, briefly,
to the cheek.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The idea you carry close to
your bosom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is famous to your bosom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The boot is famous to the
earth,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">More famous than the dress
shoe,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which is famous only to
floors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bent photograph is famous
to the one who carries it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And not at all famous to the
one who is pictured.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to be famous to
shuffling men<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who smile while crossing
streets,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sticky children in grocery
lines,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Famous as the one who smiled
back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want to be famous in the
way a pulley is famous,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or a buttonhole, not because
it did anything spectacular,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But because it never forgot
what it could do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Personally, Sarah, I think
it’s spectacular how you have lived your life, especially these past five
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And since I agree that someone
who really lives that way, never forgetting what she can do, deserves some
fame, here is nine and a half minutes of well-deserved fame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this, I think everyone will see one of the
other great lessons that Sarah has learned:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whenever, in life, you find
it hard to muster that smile, try making a really goofy face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s bound to make other people smile.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://animoto.com/play/zOp8AyaAN14dzoSymw9fFw" target="_blank">Sarah video tribute</a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-91585413366518737002013-06-20T07:28:00.001-04:002014-09-17T19:08:24.849-04:00Scholarship Speech - Year 4<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Last night we presented the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship for the 3rd year. It is one more emotional hurdle for us in a week full of hurdles that we need to get through every year, including: Father's Day, the anniversary of Emma's death, the presentation of the scholarships, the end of the school year for Peter, our wedding anniversary, and Emma's birthday. We try hard to find as much peace, meaning, or joy in each of these milestones as we can. That is how we survive. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Here is this year's scholarship presentation speech:</span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl6PTePN5U0HojpQ6hsXdtEeLD70YAJIwYjFpES84Z5eKdXmelfNL_SiT-gGbP4GQAunFFuNFclfleAfOcV0PGArkX5HA4PMQEuIYNXIiEa-y1AlNy9xWqdk1R5hR0Ccw4yMX7oKKaEcOA/s1600/Aug+&+Sept.0003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl6PTePN5U0HojpQ6hsXdtEeLD70YAJIwYjFpES84Z5eKdXmelfNL_SiT-gGbP4GQAunFFuNFclfleAfOcV0PGArkX5HA4PMQEuIYNXIiEa-y1AlNy9xWqdk1R5hR0Ccw4yMX7oKKaEcOA/s200/Aug+&+Sept.0003.JPG" height="199" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Good
evening. My name is Nancy von Euler and this is my husband Peter. When we established
this scholarship 4 years ago we had 3 goals in mind. First, we wanted to
celebrate our daughter's rich, if too short, life. Second, we wanted to provide
a little help and encouragement to our award winners that we hope will help
them achieve their dreams. And, lastly, we wanted to use the award presentation
as an opportunity to share some information that maybe, just maybe, would save
a young person's life. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Our
daughter, Emma, was a bright, beautiful, and talented young woman. She LOVED music!
She danced, sang, and played the flute, piccolo, saxophone, clarinet, and guitar.
By the age of 16, she had performed at Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, West
Point, and Canterbury Cathedral. She dreamed of a life as a professional
musician. Emma was also kind and compassionate. She was a defender of underdogs
everywhere and always had a shoulder for her friends to lean on. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Emma
died by suicide. She is not alone. Suicide is now the second leading cause of
death for people ages 10-34. Suicide claims nearly as many lives each year as
breast cancer; and as of 2010, more people in the United States lost their
lives to suicide than in car accidents.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Now,
I just attended a driver's ed class with my younger daughter, so I know that
most of you have a healthy appreciation for the risks of driving. If you are a woman, I’d be willing to bet
that you have been told about the risk factors for breast cancer and taught how
to do a breast self-exam. But, I suspect that you know very little about the risk
factors for suicide. You probably think
of suicide as being an extreme reaction to a failed relationship, lost job, or
family crisis. The truth is, in 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is
a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The
good news is mental illness is treatable. But to be treated, you need to seek
help. You have to take your mental health as seriously as you take your physical
health. So, here is what I want all of
you to do. When you step onto the campus of your new school next fall, find out
where the health center and the counseling center are. Chances are they were
not pointed out when you went on your campus tour. If you are an over-achiever,
as I suspect many of you here tonight are, go in; find out what the hours are and
what services they offer; introduce yourself to the staff; get comfortable and
familiar. That way, should you ever not feel well, physically OR mentally,
you'll know just where to go, and just who to ask for. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Fairfield
Warde High School</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This
year’s scholarship winner is a violinist who is a member of the Tri-M music
honor society and performs with the Greater Bridgeport Youth Orchestra. She is
active in the community, organizing benefit concerts and serving as the
assistant youth choir director for a Bridgeport church. She looks forward to studying music and
history in college. We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music
Scholarship to Bridget Halstead.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Fairfield
Ludlowe High School</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This
year’s scholarship winner is a talented vocalist who has been selected to the
Tri-M music honor society, All-State Choir, and Close Harmony. She has been
active in the community, putting in over 250 hours of service with Wakeman’s
Keystone Club and singing with her church choir. We are thrilled to present the
Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to Timoney Campbell.</span></span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-62906057102340444652013-06-01T15:51:00.000-04:002014-09-17T19:08:57.267-04:00Mrs. v E goes to WashingtonOn June 12th I will travel to Washington for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's annual advocacy forum. I have been serving as an AFSP field advocate for about 3 years, but this is my first time participating in the forum. I will be meeting with all of our CT delegation; talking to them about my experience and sharing ideas about what we can do as a nation to prevent suicide and improve mental health.<br />
<br />
As part of our forum preparation, AFSP asked us to write up vignettes that could be included in the packets that will be left with legislative staff. Even though much of the content is from stuff I've written before, I thought I would share mine here. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiWKnxY3zjQ7qV_OdkmjeG_hj8ZMVPHW76uZ69CBuSYsWQ8_ehBo4nZzchqQjUZqGytz2KbRIKT9MAxW4hN_IwVIDeOXPvga19qpG9kQFw1aaVXwZTqTpR_JkBzeWcftt896L7xlZXHfLw/s1600/Aug05Ej-mom_edited.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiWKnxY3zjQ7qV_OdkmjeG_hj8ZMVPHW76uZ69CBuSYsWQ8_ehBo4nZzchqQjUZqGytz2KbRIKT9MAxW4hN_IwVIDeOXPvga19qpG9kQFw1aaVXwZTqTpR_JkBzeWcftt896L7xlZXHfLw/s320/Aug05Ej-mom_edited.JPG" height="235" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On
June 17, 2009 my precious 17-year-old daughter, Emma Jane, passed away. Emma
was beautiful, bright, and articulate, with an effervescent personality. She
was a talented musician who shared her musical gifts generously and
participated in every musical ensemble she could fit into her schedule. She was
a caring daughter, sister, and friend and a bright light in the lives of many,
many people.<br />
<br />
Emma took her own life.<br />
<br />
When Emma killed herself she created a tsunami of destruction that swept up
family, friends, teachers, ministers, mentors and neighbors. All of us
struggled against the current of guilt, pain, shock and bewilderment. For her
immediate family: her father, sister and me, life as we knew it ended.<br />
<br />
I’m not sure we will ever fully understand why Emma ended her life; what caused
what must have been an incredibly deep sense of despair and hopelessness; or
why she couldn’t reach out to us or to the many other caring adults and
professionals she had in her life. Nonetheless, in the days, weeks and months
after Emma’s death I turned to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
(AFSP) to learn more about suicide and to search for clues that would help
explain why my beautiful, bright, talented daughter was gone from our lives.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Adobe Fan Heiti Std B";">The facts that I discovered about suicide shocked and alarmed
me. Suicide claims close to 39,000 lives in the United States, which is nearly
as many as breast cancer and more than twice as many as HIV/AIDS. According to
the CDC, suicide was the second leading cause of death for children ages 12-17
in 2010. With statistics like those, how is it that no one; not our schools,
not our pediatrician, not even Emma’s therapist of three years, had talked to
us about suicide and alerted us to the warning signs? If my husband and I knew
the warning signs, would we have been able to get her the right help? My
daughter’s pediatrician saw Emma just 3 weeks before her death for a hormonal
disorder that can cause depression. Had she understood the risk of suicide in
teens like Emma, would she have treated that disorder more aggressively or,
perhaps, referred her to a psychiatrist for an assessment? If her therapist,
who she saw the night before she ended her life, had had specific training in
assessment of suicide risk, would she have picked up a sign that would have
allowed us to intervene before it was too late?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Adobe Fan Heiti Std B";">I became involved with AFSP as a field advocate
because I believe we can do a better job of preventing suicide. We can raise
awareness about suicide prevention and mental illness and reduce the stigma
that prevents people from seeking help. We can get all the information we
already know about suicide prevention into the hands of the people who are best
positioned to identify and intervene with those at risk: school personnel,
primary care physicians, and behavioral health providers. We can fund research
that will unlock remaining mysteries about suicide and mental illnesses and
lead to safer and more effective treatments. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we join together to do these things, I know
we can save lives. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Adobe Fan Heiti Std B";">There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think
about Emma and remember the gift that she was in our lives. Working on behalf
of AFSP is my way of honoring her and thanking her for the many beautiful
memories that I treasure.</span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-21017027785347738412013-03-17T21:01:00.001-04:002014-09-17T19:09:42.174-04:00A Happy St. Pat's to You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJJutObu2_TNcjA9u-rXbrSo9VG8po8AmYrsjzvbeQirzDnfTyLAyhgtRmXiKjx3mEiVQjpk7YZRB2G5vwyjrcwzxofkL10M9KuIrPpl5i-hnu4nGoD1VEBa8Y68f8jXh_8L1AGfU34L1/s1600/st_Paddy's_girls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJJutObu2_TNcjA9u-rXbrSo9VG8po8AmYrsjzvbeQirzDnfTyLAyhgtRmXiKjx3mEiVQjpk7YZRB2G5vwyjrcwzxofkL10M9KuIrPpl5i-hnu4nGoD1VEBa8Y68f8jXh_8L1AGfU34L1/s320/st_Paddy's_girls.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I distinctly remember St. Patrick's Day the year Emma was in kindergarten. The week before St. Patrick's Day, Emma's kindergarten teacher began telling her students stories about the mischievous leprechaun that visited her classroom each year. Each year, she told them, the leprechaun visited the night before St. Patrick's Day and overturned desks, mixed up books on the bookshelves, and scattered supplies around the room - a very naughty leprechaun! I gathered that most of her kindergarteners loved these stories and looked forward to seeing the havoc wreaked in their classroom by the naughty leprechaun. They admired the leprechaun's chutzpah (can leprechauns have chutzpah?), and looked forward to living vicariously through the leprechaun's naughtiness. Emma was less sure. Emma liked things to be predictable, orderly, and well-behaved. She came home telling stories about the naughty leprechaun with a mixture of excitement and dread. She liked the fantasy part of the story, but did the leprechaun have to make a mess? More importantly, she wanted to know if the leprechaun was going to come make a mess of her house. No, we reassured her, certainly not. She did not find us totally convincing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When Emma woke up for school the morning of St. Patrick's Day, magic was afoot. Outside her bedroom door was a giant shamrock with some gold foil wrapped candy on top of it. Emma excitedly followed a trail of shamrocks and candy that led down the hallway and into the kitchen. On the kitchen table were more shamrocks and a little gift at Emma's and Sarah's places. "We have a leprechaun!" Emma squealed with delight. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Emma was excited to head off to school that morning. She couldn't wait to tell her teacher that she had a leprechaun, too, and that <i>her </i>leprechaun was nice, not naughty.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">From that time on, Emma always looked forward to the leprechaun's visits. In fact, every year, even when she was 16 years old, a few days before St. Patrick's Day she would ask me, "Mom, do you think the leprechaun will come again this year?" It was a gentle reminder that even when life got busy, there was always room for a little St. Patrick's Day magic.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A happy St. Pat's to you, Emmie Lou. And for the record, the leprechaun still visits. </span><br />
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Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-55660752883757460242012-09-15T15:02:00.000-04:002014-09-17T19:11:04.403-04:00Caution - Volunteering for the PTA May Cause Suicide!<span style="font-size: large;">This past Thursday started out just like any other day, but by noon things were steadily going down hill. I drove to Stamford for a lunchtime meeting and found a parking spot on the street, behind another car. When I got out of the car I noticed a sign on the street that made me question whether I was parked legally. There was a parking lot right in front of the building where I was headed, so I hopped backed in my car to move it, just to be on the safe side. I turned the key in the ignition, and...nothing. I tried again - nothing. My meeting was starting, so I left the car and headed into the building. I'd deal with the car after the meeting.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The meeting was scheduled to run two hours, but I left after an hour and a half so that I could deal with my car. On my way out of the building, I phoned Triple A. We agreed it was likely a dead battery. They would get to me within 45 minutes and give me a jump start. If I was lucky, I'd still make it back to work in time for my 3 pm meeting.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I got into my car while I waited for Triple A and decided to give the engine one more try. I turned the key in the ignition and, reluctantly, the car started. Yahoo! I called back Triple A and canceled the service call, phoned my office to cancel my 3 pm meeting, and then drove directly to a garage around the corner from my house.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The garage didn't have the size battery I needed in stock, but they called to have one delivered and assured me that delivery time was usually under 15 minutes. An hour and half later the battery finally arrived and a few minutes after that I was on my way. By now, it was nearly time to pick Sarah up at school after field hockey practice, so I dashed home, let the dogs out quickly, checked my email, put the dogs back in their crates and then headed out again.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">On my way to the car, I saw the mailman pulling away from our mailbox, so I quickly collected our mail, and then hopped into the car. There were only two pieces of what I call "real mail" - mail that is not a bill or a catalog. I could tell from the return address that one was from friends of ours and was probably a birth announcement. The other piece was more mysterious. It was addressed solely to me in what I would describe as youthful handwriting and there was no return address. I wondered if it could be from a friend of Emma's. I have really enjoyed seeing and hearing from her friends over these past three years, so with some happy anticipation, I tore open the envelope before starting the car.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When I looked inside the envelope, I saw a newspaper clipping which I immediately recognized as the CT Post article that I had been interviewed for three months ago. Tucked inside that clipping was a note that said, "Maybe if you spent more time with your kids instead of running PTAs your family would not have suffered this unspeakable tragedy. Family first!" The exclamation point had a little heart where the period should be.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I shoved the note back into the envelope and threw the envelope onto the floor of the car. I'm not sure I was breathing. I was completely in shock. I had to get Sarah, so I turned on the car and headed for Milford, but before I had gotten very far I burst into tears. I knew I shouldn't make the drive in that condition, so I frantically began calling Peter. I reached him within a few minutes and he packed up quickly and headed for Milford, urging me to call a friend when I got back home. He was angry and worried and clearly felt helpless.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Consciously and subconsciously I have dreaded a moment like that for most of the last three years. I know that families are often blamed for suicide deaths and there was no reason to believe we would be immune to that. When the CT Post reporter left a message for me saying that she wanted to interview me for an article about teen suicide, I hesitated before calling her back. Maybe I didn't need to open myself up to criticism and backlash. There's a saying, though: 'Be the change you want to see." If I wanted to see a world in which the myths that surround suicide are shattered, and where those who suffer and survivors of suicide loss feel free to seek help and support without shame or stigma, I had to help build that world. Telling my story is the first step.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Over the last few days, as a result of receiving that hateful note, I have struggled with two competing emotions:
wanting to vociferously defend my track record as a parent, on the one
hand; and wanting to curl up under a rock and hide, on the other. The first is not an option. The author of that note didn't have the
courage to sign his/her message. I don't have the option of facing my
accuser. Curling up under a rock is not an option either. I have another
child and that child needs her mother. A few days after Emma died, my
very wise and very strong, Sarah, looked me and Peter in the eyes and
said, "We are not going to let this destroy us." For the last three years we have worked really hard to carry on, remember Emma, use our gifts, and stay strong - together; because that is what families do.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">If you would like to help us prevent suicide, please join us for the Out of the Darkness Walk on Saturday, October 27th at Sherwood Island. You can join or contribute to Team Emma by <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/team/Emma" target="_blank">clicking here.</a></span><br />
<br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-23620522553008113472012-09-08T17:03:00.001-04:002014-09-17T19:11:36.397-04:00National Suicide Prevention Week <span style="font-size: large;">National Suicide Prevention Week begins on Sunday, September 9th, and I
can't help but reflect on the journey I have been on since I lost my
precious Emma to suicide a little more than three years ago. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This past spring, inspired by a support group conversation the night before, I was reflecting on how my experience with suicide loss had changed over the last year. One notable change, I realized, was that people I knew had begun reaching out to me as a resource when suicide touched their own lives. As I was driving to work that spring morning, I tallied the number of times this past year that I had gotten a call or email from someone I knew who had just lost a friend or family member to suicide and was desperate to know where to go for information and support. The number was five. In my relatively small circle of friends and acquaintances, five people had lost someone to suicide in less than a year. I found that stunning. What is even more stunning, is that by the time I was making the drive home from work at the end of that same day, the number had risen to seven.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So when I reflect on what I have learned on my journey in this past year, one of the most important lessons is this: suicide is not just a personal tragedy, it is a national tragedy. Each year more than 35,000 people in the U.S. die by suicide and CT's rate of death by suicide is at a 20 year high. In the wake of these tragic losses, hundreds of thousands of friends and family members are left to make sense of their loss and put their lives back together again. When you add up the price of all this devastation: years of productive life lost, wages lost, health and mental health care costs; you realize that the cost of suicide is enormous.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I have also learned this: as a nation, we will never inspire the national response necessary to address this national tragedy if we are depending on the survivors of suicide loss to wage that war. As survivors, we have the will and resolve to bring change and find answers; to help others win a battle that, sadly, we have lost; but we are walking wounded. We can't do this alone. If we are going to wage war against suicide we need allies in our schools, in our healthcare institutions, in our workplaces, in our communities, in government, and amongst our legislators. My hope is that National Suicide Prevention Week will lead to greater awareness, new alliances, and the strengthening of our national resolve to give the issue of suicide the time, attention, and resources that are necessary to find answers and develop responses.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">One of the ways I have become involved in the war against suicide is by participating in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - Southern CT Chapter's annual Out of the Darkness Walk. We were inspired to participate in our first walk by a friend of Emma's who found out about the walk and formed a team just weeks after Emma's death. We have been participating ever since and have been heartened to see the growth in community support and awareness that the walk has helped to create. It is truly bringing suicide out of the darkness.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWyc9Ku_sI196dgRBiJiQmgO3e7Xxk31aoQNJqEC_gvXB4-K3ofNio7XGI16NmaRLoytl295vwA23hXWaA2LaEiEgrt-jE2cDJoISoueIknzDpJzpUjfMEQBZRc0QJ9Ky7-pbCfWc88VCi/s1600/DSC_0966.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWyc9Ku_sI196dgRBiJiQmgO3e7Xxk31aoQNJqEC_gvXB4-K3ofNio7XGI16NmaRLoytl295vwA23hXWaA2LaEiEgrt-jE2cDJoISoueIknzDpJzpUjfMEQBZRc0QJ9Ky7-pbCfWc88VCi/s320/DSC_0966.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">This year's walk will be held on Saturday, October 27th, at Sherwood Island State Park in Westport, CT. Registration begins at noon and the walk will begin at 1 pm. I hope that you will consider becoming an ally in the war against suicide by joining or supporting Team Emma. The walk is as much about building awareness, as it is about fundraising; so your presence is truly valued as much as any monetary presents. Three years down this difficult road of suicide survival I believe more than ever that the first step to finding an answer is shining a light on the problem. I hope you'll join us at the walk and help us do just that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqnOqFT-qKc3wmcdJmFe9A382O99I8bg1p_HvN72M_qFwaIcTVnkyfeevpT1zOzqMDKi7axIALQVFyLAPuxUKHTPuA9Lb0SC76TGpN_E0ibH5VHh27o-yee7lemq_sEGz2e9LHKAaXkl5/s1600/PA220748.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTqnOqFT-qKc3wmcdJmFe9A382O99I8bg1p_HvN72M_qFwaIcTVnkyfeevpT1zOzqMDKi7axIALQVFyLAPuxUKHTPuA9Lb0SC76TGpN_E0ibH5VHh27o-yee7lemq_sEGz2e9LHKAaXkl5/s200/PA220748.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"> To join or contribute to Team Emma, <a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=36684" target="_blank">click here</a>. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Special registration instructions for returning walkers:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">AFSP has updated the walk website and there are a few frustrating glitches. The instructions below should get you registered quickly and easily:</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Go to www.afsp.org and click on Out of the Darkness Community Walks in the upper right-hand corner of the home page</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Log in to your existing account on the walk home page by entering your email and password. If you have forgotten your password there is an option to have the password sent to your email address<br />
3. Search for the event - Southern CT Chapter, Sherwood Island State Park, Saturday, Oct. 27th<br />
4. Search for the team - Team Emma<br />
5. Click join this team<br />
6. Answer brief questions.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">7. You're done! </span></span></span></span><br />
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<br />Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8735985463358630274.post-32877405870839847912012-06-25T18:31:00.003-04:002015-06-14T16:05:59.976-04:00Peter's Scholarship Presentation Speech<span style="font-size: large;">Once again, we survived what has become the most difficult week of the year for us. It began with the anniversary of Emma's death on June 17th which, this year, collided with Father's Day. After that, we had Awards night at both of our town's high schools, where we present the scholarships we established in Emma's memory; our wedding anniversary; and Emma's birthday. For Peter, he had the added stress of the end of school and a moving up ceremony for his graduating 5th graders. It is a week filled with joyful memories and unimaginable sadness. It is a week that reminds us that we are surviving, and a week that highlights that things will never be the same. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I wanted to share Peter's presentation speech. It speaks for itself:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Hello,
I’m Peter von Euler, and this is my wife Nancy. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s ironic that I’m here presenting a music
scholarship award.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anyone asks me, I
usually say, “I’m not particularly musical,” or, “I don’t really have a great
ear,” or, “I could never carry a tune.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s also ironic because my daughter, Emma had everything that I
lacked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">In
creating this scholarship, my wife, my daughter, and hundreds of family members
and friends are trying to continue Emma’s music legacy where she left off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before we present the scholarship that bears
her name, I hope you’ll allow me to make a plea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">My
plea is for you to never say the things about yourself that I just said a few
moments ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t ever say you’re not
musical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Music is about bringing
different notes together to create a sound that moves people to smile, to dance,
to cry, or find peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most importantly
music is about pulling different sounds together and creating harmony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could easily hear my daughter’s musical
talents when she sang or played the flute, but I may have missed her most
important musical gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She accepted
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She celebrated differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loved the quirky, the unconventional, the
disconnected, and she often brought them together in a beautiful way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m striving for that kind of musicality in
my life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Don’t
say, “I don’t have a good ear.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I
don’t have perfect pitch, as some say my daughter had, but that doesn’t mean I
can’t train my ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can listen for
subtle notes of trouble or struggle in someone else’s voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can say, “How are you doing?” and insert a
rest, leaving room for an honest reply.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt;">Don’t
say, “I can’t carry a tune.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Emma
died by suicide just five days short of her 17<sup>th</sup> birthday, I lost my
voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was rendered mute by shame at
how she died, by guilt at what I could have done, by fear that I might never be
happy again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the three years since
Emma died, my wife has helped me find my voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She stunned me by singing part of her eulogy at Emma’s memorial
service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She then started writing down
all of the beautiful memories from Emma’s life and sharing them in a public
blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wrote, </span><span style="font-size: large;">“<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I refuse to
allow Emma, or our lives together, to be defined by [her last] desperate
act.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In effect, she echoed the lines
we hear sung so movingly at Relay for Life every year, “I will remember you,”
and, “Weep not for the memories.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
has shown me how to carry that tune.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In these past three years, the broader
tune we have tried to carry is that we should strive to be a musical community.
Though we may sound different notes in race, religion, opinion, or sexual orientation, we all need to work toward harmony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our goal was never uniformity or perfect agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That makes for a boring song. Instead, our
goal is to become part of some bigger composition that holds together
beautifully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To appreciate some music,
and some people, you have to stop and listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You may have to get used to a new and unfamiliar sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually, if you listen openly, your ear can
find something to appreciate, even in a piece that challenges you or makes you
uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s a challenging
note, but one we hope you’ll try to carry forward:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mental illness is a legitimate health issue
that you cannot and should not try to solve alone. It must stop being a cause
for shame. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please carry that refrain
with you as you move on from this school.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
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<span style="font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship is awarded each year to a Fairfield high school senior who is
planning to continue his or her study of music in college. Candidates for this
scholarship demonstrate not only a talent and love for music, but also a kind
and generous spirit and a desire to help and inspire others. This year we’re
thrilled to present the scholarship to someone who has shown that she [he] can make
beautiful music in many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Congratulations,
Danielle Cupp [Sam Warnick]. </span><span style="font-size: 18.0pt;"></span></div>
Emma's Momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03498196585407476840noreply@blogger.com4