Emma Times: Another Letter to Santa

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Another Letter to Santa

Remember the legendary squash ring from my post about Thanksgiving 1994? Well, that squash ring made a big impression on Emma because it made another guest appearance in her Christmas letter.

I found a Christmas letter that Emma dictated to me in 1994 when she was 2 ½. It went like this:

Dear Santa,

My dear friend of Christmas. We’re going to go a happy Christmas, huh?

Please bring me some stockings and some presents. Put them on the fireplace. Please bring me the Tale of Gloucester (she meant The Tailor of Gloucester by Beatrix Potter. We had the video and she wanted the book) and a wash ring (she meant a squash ring).

Love, Emma

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Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship Fund

Established in June 2009 in memory of our daughter, Emma Jane, The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship will be awarded each year to a Fairfield high school senior who is planning to continue his or her study of music in college. Candidates for this scholarship will demonstrate not only a talent and love for music, but also a kind and generous spirit and a desire to help and inspire others.

Contributions to the fund can be made by sending a check to:

The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship
c/0 The High School Scholarship Foundation of Fairfield, Inc.
P.O. Box 682
Fairfield, CT 06824

About this blog

On June 17, 2009 my precious 17-year-old daughter, Emma Jane, passed away. Emma was beautiful, bright, and articulate, with an effervescent personality. She was a talented musician who shared her musical gifts generously and participated in every musical ensemble she could fit into her schedule. She was a caring daughter, sister, and friend and a bright light in the lives of many, many people.

Emma took her own life.

When Emma killed herself she created a tsunami of destruction that swept up family, friends, teachers, ministers, mentors and neighbors. All of us struggled against the current of guilt, pain, shock and bewilderment. For her immediate family, her father, sister and me, life as we knew it ended.

We will never fully understand why Emma ended her life; what caused what must have been an incredibly deep sense of despair and hopelessness; or why she couldn’t reach out to us or to the many other caring adults and professionals she had in her life. But let’s face it, answers, even if we could find them, won’t fill the incredible hole in our hearts.

What is even more tragic is that this single act of Emma’s threatens to obliterate the almost 17 years that came before it. It was an act so shockingly out of character that it instantly rendered her a stranger, even to those of us who were closest to her. Like a film negative, it recast the darks and lights of our lives together. Suddenly the joyous times are muted in the background and the moments of sadness and defeat are featured prominently in the image.

I can’t let that happen.

So, I’m starting this blog to restore the memory, image by image, story by story, of that wonderful, delightful person that I knew. A person who brought me unparalleled joy - the kind of joy you can only bring others when you feel it yourself.

And I’m sharing it with you to continue her legacy. Emma had a power to touch lives that we only fully understood after she died. We were amazed by the stories that emerged of how Emma had made an impression with her musical gifts or kindness, taught a lesson, rescued someone from loneliness. She touched people’s souls, and I hope that these stories of Emma will touch your soul. In that small way her too-short life can continue to have meaning.

Emma Times

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Another Letter to Santa

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