2019 Scholarship Presentation

-->

Tonight we presented the Emma Jane Memorial Music Scholarships at Fairfield Warde and Fairfield Ludlowe High Schools for the 9th year. This marks the start of a week that we refer to as the gauntlet. The order of events sometimes changes, but it is the same milestones. The order this year: scholarship presentation, Father's Day, anniversary of Emma's death, our wedding anniversary, and then Emma's birthday, all in the space of about 10 days. This year we will finish the gauntlet by walking 18 miles overnight at the Boston American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Overnight Walk. It seems a fitting way to mark Emma's birthday and the 10th anniversary of her death.

The scholarship presentation is an important evening for us to remember Emma and provide a little education about suicide. Here's what we said:

Good evening. My name is Nancy von Euler and this is my husband Peter. In 4 days we will acknowledge the 10^th anniversary of the loss of our daughter Emma. In the days immediately following Emma’s death, we were faced with making the unimaginable decision about where memorial gifts should be made.  Needless to say, we were not prepared with an answer. But we pretty quickly zeroed in on the idea of establishing a scholarship fund with the High School Scholarship Foundation of Fairfield. Emma was a bright, beautiful, kind and talented young woman who loved music. We hoped that the financial support from this scholarship would provide a little help and encouragement for students like Emma to pursue their dreams. In the 10 years since we established this fund, and largely thanks to the generosity of all the people whose lives were touched by Emma’s, we have awarded $34,000 in her name.

As we approached the first scholarship award ceremony a year after her death, we realized that this scholarship presentation also provided an opportunity to briefly talk to the graduating seniors each year about something that we think is really important. 

You see Emma died by suicide, and suicide prevention is now a mission for us.

So tonight we want to share just 7 pieces of information and advice. We promise to be quick.

 # 1 – In 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness. Like physical illness, mental illness comes in acute forms, like pneumonia, and chronic forms, like diabetes. It is nothing to be ashamed of and in all forms it is treatable. 

#2 – Perhaps its obvious, but the organ mental illness attacks is your brain – the organ you trust to generate your thoughts and feelings. With people who suffer from suicidal ideation, their brain turns against them. If your brain starts telling you you aren’t good enough or that the world is better off without you, tell someone, because that’s a symptom of illness, not rational thought, and it can be treated.

# 3 – Be accurate. When someone dies by suicide its tempting to join in the explanation game. There is usually only one thing we can be sure of – they were suffering. Proposing easy explanations belittles that suffering, contributes to stigma, and may discourage others who are suffering from seeking help.

#4 – Be kind. You will not always know when someone is suffering. I imagine you are all good people. You wouldn’t purposely add to someone’s suffering. Don’t do it by accident.

#5 – If a friend tells you they are struggling, assume you are the only one they have told. As a friend, your job is to listen, support, and report – but not to diagnose, advise or fix. That’s the job of the pros.

# 6 – Find out where to get help before you or a friend needs it. Put the crisis hotline and text line numbers into your phone, and if you are headed off to college in the fall, find out where the health center and the counseling center are. Chances are they were not pointed out when you went on your campus tour.

And last, but not least, #7 – Embrace your whole self, not your social media self. Until we all start posting pictures of what we look like when we roll out of bed, or about the exam we failed, the catch we missed, the argument we started, and the rejection letters we collected, our social media presence will only the reflect the shiny surface of who we are as people. Your parents will post a picture of your newly set up dorm room this fall, but take my word, they aren’t going to post a picture of what it looks like when they pick you up at the end of the year! And yet that end of year photo would tell me so much more about you – for example that you hadn’t done laundry since Thanksgiving. But that’s okay! Every weakness is an opportunity to grow.  Every failure is an opportunity to learn. Being perfect isn’t all its cracked up to be and as Emma herself liked to say, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”

Fairfield Warde High School:

This year’s recipient plays both the piano/keyboards and the bass and has been in Warde’s Symphonic and Chamber orchestras since 10^th grade. He has also been a member of the Jazz Band and performed with the pit orchestra for all Warde’s musicals.  He was inducted into the Tri-M Music Honor Society as a sophomore. Our winner has demonstrated empathy and compassion at school and through service to the broader community.

We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to Jordan Pistilli.

Fairfield Ludlowe High School:

This year’s recipient has passion for music and plays keyboards, oboe and bassoon and is a vocalist in school. What is that? A quadruple threat?! He has performed in the Jazz Performance Band (serving, wind ensemble, chamber choir, and In Harmony and is a member of Tri-M Music Honor Society.  He was selected for CT Western Regionals, and was awarded Top Male Vocalist at an Acapella Invitational.   

We are thrilled to award the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to Aidan Kilgallon.