From Andrew W.

Andrew Wysocki, this year's scholarship winner from Fairfield Ludlowe High School gave me permission to share this message he wrote to Emma on her Facebook Memorial page after he received the scholarship. Thanks, Andrew.

Dear Emma,
Tonight your father gave an incredibly moving speech about mental illness and your mother presented me with a scholarship in your name so I can continue my studies of music education in college.
Emma, I cannot tell you how sincerely honored I am to receive a scholarship in your name. I'm honored that everyone believes that I... deserved it too. I held the envelope very close to my heart as I walked back to my seat. I never thought I would receive an award like that.
Now when I go to study music education, I will know that you will be beside me. Perhaps you will contribute an idea when I'm writing music, or maybe you'll give me inspiration to go the extra mile and learn something new.
I promise you that one day, I will write a song for you. I'm not a terrific songwriter or piano player yet, but once I improve, I will write a song for you. It will be glorious and it will be because you were such an inspiration to me when you were living, and now I feel as if I can help to create the music that you wanted to spread throughout the world =).
The one who is thinking about you and incredibly honored to receive your scholarship,
~Andrew =)

Peter's scholarship prsentation speech - June 22nd, 2011

Here is the speech Peter made at the presentation of this year's scholarships:

Hello, I’m Peter von Euler.  Today, my daughter Emma would have been celebrating her 19^th birthday.  We celebrated last night with a lot of her friends.  Each of them spoke of Emma as a loving, giving, beautiful, and positive person.  I’ve come to understand that those were qualities that she carried until her last day.  But Emma had a secret.

On this day, when we celebrate the accomplishments and hard work of so many young people, accomplishments of the mind and will, I’d like to take a moment to share something I’ve learned in the two years since Emma took her own life.

One thing I’ve learned is that tonight, there is probably someone in this auditorium who is scared, someone in this auditorium who is hiding, and someone in this auditorium who is ashamed of how they’re feeling.

I believe that we view mental illness differently from other illness.  If we blow out a knee or catch a cold or much worse, develop a disease, like diabetes or cancer, we may feel bad, we may feel scared, we may feel unlucky, but we rarely feel shame, or feel the need to hide our condition. 

Mental illness is different.  If our brain, our most complex and fragile organ, is somehow affected, afflicted, weakened, damaged, or different, many feel that’s somehow shameful.  We have a much harder time sharing that condition.

When the rest of us, see someone who seems mentally unstable, we tend to back away.  We tend to avoid.  Later, we might even offer our assessments.  She’s crazy. He’s messed up.  She’s got a screw loose.  He’s got issues.  She’s wacko.

The problem is, not all of those who are battling mental illness are showing it.  For some, it’s a silent, lonely struggle.  They’re keeping it a secret.  They’re listening to our words.  Sometimes that hiding may be an act of will or denial, but I think sometimes it’s also a result of fear and shame.  It’s a silence that connects to our reactions.  Who wants to reveal a problem that results in being called crazy or screwed up?  Who wants to reveal a problem that makes people recoil? 

I know it is a complex problem, but  I’m trying to learn lessons.  I know that there were many reasons that my daughter couldn’t share her troubles, couldn’t reach for a lifeline.  But, I also know that if there is something I can change that might make it better for future Emmas, I should try to do it.  I owe that to Emma.  One of those things is to try to take the stigma out of illness of the mind. 

Today, we’re celebrating some tremendous mental gifts and habits of mind.  But today, I’d also like us to recognize that that same mind that we celebrate, is very complex and fragile.  We need to be mindful that when things go wrong it’s not a cause for shame or ridicule.  We can view those problems with the same compassion and understanding that we show when other parts of us break down.  A battle with depression or an eating disorder, or a bi-polar condition can be viewed with the same concern, support, and compassion as a battle with cancer. 

The years between 18 and 24 are years when many mental health issues often arise.  Most of you will encounter a peer who is struggling, or you may struggle yourself.   I believe that as you head off to college, you can have a lasting and positive impact on the future.  You can be the generation that shows us how to respond to mental illness.  You may never actually see the result, but someone around you may notice, and respond.  They may share a secret, step out of the darkness, and seek help, because of the way you and I talk about mental illness. 

Positive words, supportive words, compassionate words are a lot like music.  They draw us together.  They help us feel connected.  This scholarship is awarded each year to someone who works hard to make beautiful music and someone who works hard to share that music with the community.  We feel blessed to support someone’s continued pursuit of something Emma valued so much.  Music is an outlet, a way to express those things that can’t always be put into words.  It’s a gift to others, and we are proud to award this scholarship to a person who had shared these gifts.  He is committed to becoming an accomplished musician, and he has shared his gifts in performances throughout his high school career.  Tonight we are proud to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to:

Andrew Wysocki (Fairfield Ludlowe High School)

Eileen Chun (Fairfield Warde High School)

Thank you Team RMAO and your supporters

It's been a month since we rode the emotional roller coaster that I think we are doomed to ride in the third week of June for the rest of our lives. It started with the crushing emotions and flashbacks that June 17th, the anniversary of Emma's death, brings. Two days later was Father's Day, a day which like Mother's Day, is now complicated by mixed emotions. The day after that, June 21st, was our 25th wedding anniversary which we celebrated by hosting a gathering of Emma's friends, neighbors and families to celebrate Emma's life. Last year we purposely held this gathering on June 22nd, Emma's birthday. But this year, by cruel irony, the Fairfield high schools' senior awards night were scheduled on the night of Emma's birthday and we spent that evening traveling between the two high schools to present the scholarships. The next morning after the emotionally exhausting awards night, I boarded a 5:40 am train to New York City to drop Sarah off at the Amtrak train headed to camp. After the emotions of the week, it was a struggle to send her off for a long summer away with a smile on my face, but I did my best. The day after that, exactly a week from when the roller coaster ride began, I collapsed in an exhausted heap. 

Now that I'm finally coming up for air, I want to give long overdue thanks to the amazing Team RMAO for selecting Emma's memorial scholarship fund as their fundraising beneficiary. Not only did the ladies of Team RMAO complete a grueling relay race that started in New Haven, CT and ended in Boston, MA, they also managed to raise more than $7,000 for the scholarship fund. We are so grateful to everyone who supported their efforts. The money raised is enough to allow us to increase the size of the two scholarships we award in the coming years. We know how important this extra support will be to students, especially during these challenging economic times.

When we first established the scholarship fund we wanted to help provide young musicians with the educational opportunities we had hoped to provide Emma. We thought this would be a lasting and fitting legacy for our daughter and a way to remember not just her passion for music, but also her kind and compassionate nature and her unique ability to deeply touch people’s lives.


We have come to realize that the presentation of the scholarship awards at the high schools also provides an important opportunity to raise awareness about suicide prevention and mental health - to chip away at the silence and stigma that surrounds these important subjects. We have come to believe that this educational benefit is just as important as the financial benefit.


In my next post I will share the remarks that Peter made on scholarship night and then, after that, a note from one of this year's scholarship recipients.