Emma Jane von Euler Memorial Scholarship presentation - 2014

Last night, on the 5th anniversary of Emma's death, we made the 4th annual presentation of the scholarship we established in her name. The anniversary is always a tough day, and we're never quite sure how to negotiate it. The scholarship presentation gave us some direction and purpose for the day. We were privileged to honor our daughter and to recognize the two remarkable young men who were selected for the scholarship. Here are our remarks:

Peter:

Hello, my name is Peter von Euler, and this is my wife, Nancy.  

The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship is awarded each year to a student who demonstrates not only a talent and love for music, but also a kind and generous spirit and a desire to help and inspire others.  We make this presentation as a memorial to our daughter, who had a passion for music in many forms and who had a soft spot for anyone who appeared to need a friend.  In that same spirit, we also use this occasion to put forth a plea to all of you, to look out for your classmates and to take care of yourself.

It was on this day, June 17, five years ago, that our daughter Emma ended her life.  She was five days short of her 17th birthday.

My wife, our younger daughter, Sarah, and I  became survivors of suicide that day.  We are determined not only to survive, but also to keep Emma’s memory alive.  We also hope to keep more young people alive. We, (particularly my wife),  have set out to learn what we can and to share.  So, here’s a public service announcement:   Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. Suicide claims nearly as many lives each year as breast cancer; and as of 2010, more people in the United States died by suicide than died in car accidents.

Nancy:

Most of you who took driver’s ed. have a healthy appreciation for the risks of driving.  If you are a woman, I’d be willing to bet that you are well aware of the risk factors for breast cancer, but I suspect that you know less about the risk factors for suicide.  Most people think of suicide as an extreme reaction to a failed relationship, a lost job, or a family crisis.  The truth is, in 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness.  

The good news is mental illness is treatable. But to be treated, you need to seek help. You have to take your mental health as seriously as you take your physical health.   So, here is what I want all of you to do. When you step onto the campus of your new school next fall, find out where the health center and the counseling center are. Chances are they were not a stop on your campus tour. If you are an overachiever, go in; find out what the hours are and what services they offer; introduce yourself to the staff; get comfortable and familiar. That way, should you ever not feel well, physically OR mentally, you'll know where to go, and who to ask for.  And please, never ever be ashamed or afraid to ask for all help. We ALL need help sometime.

This year we are awarded the scholarship to two young men who are gifted scholars, athletes AND musicians and who have also contributed in a meaningful way to his school and the community at large.

Congratulations to Jack Ullman - Fairfield Warde High School and Erik Stahle - Fairfield Ludlowe High School.

Scholarship Speech - Year 4

Last night we presented the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship for the 3rd year.  It is one more emotional hurdle for us in a week full of hurdles that we need to get through every year, including: Father's Day, the anniversary of Emma's death, the presentation of the scholarships, the end of the school year for Peter, our wedding anniversary, and Emma's birthday. We try hard to find as much peace, meaning, or joy in each of these milestones as we can. That is how we survive. 

Here is this year's scholarship presentation speech:

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Good evening. My name is Nancy von Euler and this is my husband Peter. When we established this scholarship 4 years ago we had 3 goals in mind. First, we wanted to celebrate our daughter's rich, if too short, life. Second, we wanted to provide a little help and encouragement to our award winners that we hope will help them achieve their dreams. And, lastly, we wanted to use the award presentation as an opportunity to share some information that maybe, just maybe, would save a young person's life. 

Our daughter, Emma, was a bright, beautiful, and talented young woman. She LOVED music! She danced, sang, and played the flute, piccolo, saxophone, clarinet, and guitar. By the age of 16, she had performed at Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, West Point, and Canterbury Cathedral. She dreamed of a life as a professional musician. Emma was also kind and compassionate. She was a defender of underdogs everywhere and always had a shoulder for her friends to lean on.  

Emma died by suicide. She is not alone. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. Suicide claims nearly as many lives each year as breast cancer; and as of 2010, more people in the United States lost their lives to suicide than in car accidents.

Now, I just attended a driver's ed class with my younger daughter, so I know that most of you have a healthy appreciation for the risks of driving.  If you are a woman, I’d be willing to bet that you have been told about the risk factors for breast cancer and taught how to do a breast self-exam. But, I suspect that you know very little about the risk factors for suicide.  You probably think of suicide as being an extreme reaction to a failed relationship, lost job, or family crisis. The truth is, in 90% of deaths by suicide, the underlying cause is a diagnosable, although sometimes undiagnosed, mental illness.  

The good news is mental illness is treatable. But to be treated, you need to seek help. You have to take your mental health as seriously as you take your physical health.   So, here is what I want all of you to do. When you step onto the campus of your new school next fall, find out where the health center and the counseling center are. Chances are they were not pointed out when you went on your campus tour. If you are an over-achiever, as I suspect many of you here tonight are, go in; find out what the hours are and what services they offer; introduce yourself to the staff; get comfortable and familiar. That way, should you ever not feel well, physically OR mentally, you'll know just where to go, and just who to ask for.  

Fairfield Warde High School

This year’s scholarship winner is a violinist who is a member of the Tri-M music honor society and performs with the Greater Bridgeport Youth Orchestra. She is active in the community, organizing benefit concerts and serving as the assistant youth choir director for a Bridgeport church.  She looks forward to studying music and history in college. We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to Bridget Halstead.

Fairfield Ludlowe High School

This year’s scholarship winner is a talented vocalist who has been selected to the Tri-M music honor society, All-State Choir, and Close Harmony. She has been active in the community, putting in over 250 hours of service with Wakeman’s Keystone Club and singing with her church choir. We are thrilled to present the Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship to Timoney Campbell.

Peter's Scholarship Presentation Speech

Once again, we survived what has become the most difficult week of the year for us. It began with the anniversary of Emma's death on June 17th which, this year, collided with Father's Day. After that, we had Awards night at both of our town's high schools, where we present the scholarships we established in Emma's memory; our wedding anniversary; and Emma's birthday. For Peter, he had the added stress of the end of school and a moving up ceremony for his graduating 5th graders. It is a week filled with joyful memories and unimaginable sadness. It is a week that reminds us that we are surviving, and a week that highlights that things will never be the same. 

I wanted to share Peter's presentation speech. It speaks for itself:

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Hello, I’m Peter von Euler, and this is my wife Nancy.

 It’s ironic that I’m here presenting a music scholarship award.  If anyone asks me, I usually say, “I’m not particularly musical,” or, “I don’t really have a great ear,” or, “I could never carry a tune.”  It’s also ironic because my daughter, Emma had everything that I lacked. 

In creating this scholarship, my wife, my daughter, and hundreds of family members and friends are trying to continue Emma’s music legacy where she left off.  Before we present the scholarship that bears her name, I hope you’ll allow me to make a plea. 

My plea is for you to never say the things about yourself that I just said a few moments ago.  Don’t ever say you’re not musical.  Music is about bringing different notes together to create a sound that moves people to smile, to dance, to cry, or find peace.   Most importantly music is about pulling different sounds together and creating harmony.  I could easily hear my daughter’s musical talents when she sang or played the flute, but I may have missed her most important musical gift.   She accepted people.  She celebrated differences.  She loved the quirky, the unconventional, the disconnected, and she often brought them together in a beautiful way.  I’m striving for that kind of musicality in my life.

Don’t say, “I don’t have a good ear.”  Maybe I don’t have perfect pitch, as some say my daughter had, but that doesn’t mean I can’t train my ear.  I can listen for subtle notes of trouble or struggle in someone else’s voice.  I can say, “How are you doing?” and insert a rest, leaving room for an honest reply.

Don’t say, “I can’t carry a tune.”  When Emma died by suicide just five days short of her 17^th birthday, I lost my voice.  I was rendered mute by shame at how she died, by guilt at what I could have done, by fear that I might never be happy again.  In the three years since Emma died, my wife has helped me find my voice.  She stunned me by singing part of her eulogy at Emma’s memorial service.  She then started writing down all of the beautiful memories from Emma’s life and sharing them in a public blog.  She wrote, “I refuse to allow Emma, or our lives together, to be defined by [her last] desperate act.”   In effect, she echoed the lines we hear sung so movingly at Relay for Life every year, “I will remember you,” and, “Weep not for the memories.”  She has shown me how to carry that tune.

In these past three years, the broader tune we have tried to carry is that we should strive to be a musical community. Though we may sound different notes in race, religion, opinion, or sexual orientation, we all need to work toward harmony.  Our goal was never uniformity or perfect agreement.  That makes for a boring song. Instead, our goal is to become part of some bigger composition that holds together beautifully.    To appreciate some music, and some people, you have to stop and listen.  You may have to get used to a new and unfamiliar sound.  Usually, if you listen openly, your ear can find something to appreciate, even in a piece that challenges you or makes you uncomfortable.  Here’s a challenging note, but one we hope you’ll try to carry forward:  mental illness is a legitimate health issue that you cannot and should not try to solve alone. It must stop being a cause for shame.  Please carry that refrain with you as you move on from this school.

The Emma Jane von Euler Music Scholarship is awarded each year to a Fairfield high school senior who is planning to continue his or her study of music in college. Candidates for this scholarship demonstrate not only a talent and love for music, but also a kind and generous spirit and a desire to help and inspire others. This year we’re thrilled to present the scholarship to someone who has shown that she [he] can make beautiful music in many ways.  Congratulations, Danielle Cupp [Sam Warnick].